This morning my Psalm reading included two that have to do with a "problem" that is a constant recurring theme of my life - my children. Well at least 80% of my challenges in life come from the fact that I have so many children. And God says:

Children are a gift from the Lord
they are a reward from him. ...
How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them!... Psalm 127: parts of 3,4,5

And look at all those children!
There they sit around your table
as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees.
This is the Lords reward
For those who fear him. Psalm 128:3b to 6

Do you sometimes feel that God is blessing you or maybe just has a good sense of humor as your children sit around your table eating every last morsel and then coming back to raid the fridge in an hour?

I guess we have chosen to fill our quiver but sometimes the arrows fight with each other and they certainly are a challenge to feed - not just with food but with the right emotional support. They seem to empty the emotional fridge as quickly as the electrical one. Restocking the emotional one is a lot more fun though as they return with a few hugs and as you watch them have a good time together - their quarrels put aside for awhile.

Today we have all the challenges of work for four of us, end of classes for another, and getting together the grandparents for an evening of celebration for our daughter who finished her GED. After there are soccer and worship practices. And I get to be the mom - the great disorganized organizer who tries to keep it all together. But I expect a few hugs at the end so it will be OK.

More Harry Potter
Sometimes I just wish we could be left alone to enjoy our good reading without having to analyze if it is "Christian " or not. Most of what I read is probably not Christian but it is either enjoyable, makes me think or I learn something from it or it won't get read. Most of what I read is really boring work related stuff - Essentials of Facial Growth - for example. So please indulge me a bit of pleasure!

All my life I have thrived on reading fantasy - Superman, The Borrowers, Alice in Wonderland, C.S. Lewis's books(all of them), Madeleine L'Engel's books and Tolkein. I have shared the magic of them with my kids. Funny, but the kids who enjoyed the fantasy books with me the most are the ones with the faith in God.

I think my faith was also shaped by these books. I learned to love the mystical and there is a lot of mystery in what God has done for us. I learned to see God in my surroundings, to understand that there is a lot more to life than just the seen and the touchable things. Reading these books helped me to see that I was not alone in this type of experience. I looked for the evidence of God in such books and I was not disappointed. I would like my children to experience this too so I encourage them to read and then we talk.

Sometimes it is really hard to be a mother. I want too much for and from my kids and maybe I expect just too much from them. I would love to have more harmony among all of them. I would love to see more responsible decisions made. I would like them to be more perfect. But I really don't seem to have much control some days. Do you know what I mean? Some days I seem to be on their cases all the time and I think I must come across as an invader into their lives rather than a nurturer. I wish it were easier to parent well! I am constantly having to give them back into Gods hands when I realize I am grasping them too tightly. I think I am a pretty easy going mother but it is hard to back off, let God do his thing in their lives, when I see things going on that I don't like!

Teach me God to trust you to care for them and at the same time to listen for your guidance as to when to intervene since you have given me the job of being a mother to all of them.

Today was downloading time for pictures. Some are good and some so-so. Michelle, Eric's wife, is a much better photographer than I am. The lighting was not good for many of the pictures and sometimes the subjects were on the move. Patrick got his diploma and had a good time with his friends. He relates well to the exchange students so here are some of them: right to left: Cyril, the Canadian(not an exchange student); Andreas, the Dane; Felix, Indonesian; Patrick, Congolese(also not an exchange student). Some other pictures are here too if you want to link to them. At family supper , Patricks graduating class , Patrick Kongawi and Michelle Sewap , Patrick and Cyril sing

Life seems to rollercoaster between extremes at our house. If we have one person extremely happy it seems we have another extremely depressed at the same time. I think I stated in one of my past blogs that if my kids were perfect then I wouldn't need God so desperately. I don't know what he is trying g to tell me this time but I need him desperately again - in fact there is hardly a day goes by that that is not true.

My oldest son and his wife were up for Patricks grad and it was a good thing to have them come. They got to share in the happiness of the one kid and help me out with the other.

I need to spend some quality time with God today because I think I have a tough time ahead with a couple of kids and I need him and I need wisdom.

It was a hot muggy day yesterday. My morning was spent helping to decorate for the Grand March and grad dance tonight. It was fairly chaotic but sort of fun to be in on the preparations. The group I was working with discovered the most efficient way to cut paper from a huge roll to cover tables. The most disgusting thing we discovered is that only two of the toilet stalls in the gymnasium women's' bathroom actually work. There will be over a thousand people at this event. I think it will be best to not drink too much!

A good part of my afternoon was spent looking back through old photos making a memory scrap book for Patrick. I hope we don't just make him feel sad because his parents could not be here. We don't have a lot of photos from his life in the Congo. People there just don't have the resources to go around snapping photos of their kids. And then I had to write up a little something about him. This is for our supper tonight with two other families of his best friends.

Last night it started to rain. It must be an answer to prayer for the firefighters just north of the city. A big fire was going up by Candle lake. Prince Albert sat in a blue haze from the smoke. My oldest son, Eric, works for a septic pumping company in the summer and they do those huge lagoons from pig barns. They also pump for fire fighting when there are forest fires so are very busy right now. His wife drove down a replacement worker to where he is(Elrose) so he can come up for Patrick's grad.

I think I will be glad when life gets back to normal at our house. I wonder if that will ever happen!

Yesterday in the evening we went to Sara's soccer team's picnic at the Little Red Park. The girls had their usual run but this time up the ski hill. Then we all sat around and roasted wieners and ate too much. Got to know some of the other parents better too.
Picnic photos

Today begins the festivities. Patrick is graduating from High School. He still writes one last final today - French. He should do well in this one and I noticed that he sat with a beer(he is 19) in front of the TV last night instead of at the dining room table in front of his books. Tonight is the Grad Mass at St. Mary's, tomorrow is off except for parents who are doing stuff like decorating, etc. And then Saturday is the big day with ceremonies in the morning and the big dance at night - then the all night party. Patrick's uncle is not coming and although Patrick doesn't say much I think he is disappointed. Patricks father cannot come and for that he is really disappointed but can't do much about it. He does us the honor of calling us Mom and Dad so Leo and I will go with pride and pleasure. Maybe we will throw some pictures up here later.

All of us will be glad that school is over for another year. It will give us all a breather from the routines. Then we can start getting ready for the camps and CHIC and summer work that keep the kids busy during the summer. I am going to try and take a couple of days for myself somewhere out of the vacation time I will have in August - maybe find myself a quiet spot to hole up, read and rest. And come the middle of July I will be a Grandma so that will be exciting. I hope I won't be one of those grandparents that is too busy to take time to get to know their grandchildren.

God continues to surprise me with stuff from his word. I wish I had developed this thirstiness for it years ago. I find there is so much I wish I knew better, understood better. At least it is never too late to start digging in deeper.

I finished reading through Romans and decided to go back and re-read one of the Gospels. I haven't read through Matthew for awhile so it was chosen. So of course it starts out with the genealogy of Jesus. I realize this was of utmost importance to the Jewish people. It struck me that Matthew lists all of the male ancestors of Joseph - throwing in a few good women like Ruth and Rahab. Then along comes Mary - mother of Jesus - only related to all those men through her marriage to Joseph. And to top it all off - Joseph isn't even Jesus' biological father. Am I missing some link here? Help all you theologians who know such things!

Mary must have offered herself up to God with no strings attached. An incredible woman allowing God to use her to fulfill his destiny and make a way for us total strangers, thousands of years down the road to come to him as God, Father and friend. I wonder what she thought. It seems she kept most of her thoughts to herself. I wonder what she and her teenaged son sat and talked about and how much she understood? Maybe you can tell I have teenagers that sometimes I don't understand at all and often wonder where God can be leading them.

Kevin at thehomelessguy.net is an interesting guy to read. He has posted some interesting links and one in particular caught my eye called Hidden Homeless I guess partly because I see the kind of dental needs the author describes in the article in the high needs kids on our much smaller city. These kids are not necessarily "homeless" in the technical sense. Most of them have homes of some sort but are very transient so never stay in one place long enough to get complete care and never build up a relationship with a dentist. Their parents may never have had much for care and chances are unless the cycle is broken, their children won't be much better off. In a way I think the lack of dental care is just a symptom of much more urgent problems - like insufficient shelter and food, sometimes addictions in the parents and sometimes just fatigue on the part of parents who have too few resources and too little energy to do a good job of parenting. Most adolescents with poor dental health also have other hygiene issues and I think they just don't see themselves as someone worth spending time on. That feeling, I suppose becomes a vicious circle and then they will have kids that don't feel very good about themselves.

In my wandersings around cyberspace I found a link to this interesting article on Gay marriage by MICHAEL COREN, a Sun Media columnist. There has been so much in the news and it is hard to know if one should even express an opinion. This guy says a lot of reasonable sounding stuff - honest and loving at the same time.

We are awaiting the birth of our second grandson early in July. Annette, (the mom to be) just finishing up her office management course at SIAST, is doing her work placement in my office. My staff has come to love her and are awaiting this baby's birth with excitement. So today we booked off some time and went to Boston Pizza for lunch and a baby shower. I was even the recipient of an emergency grandmother pack containing all the things I'll need to babysit like Robaxacet for my arthritis. Talk about how to make your boss feel old!

This birth is being anticipated with much joy. Logan, our first grandchild, also born to Dave and Annette, only lived a couple of days. He had Trisomy 18 which is not compatible with life. His birth and death drew our family around these two kids (Dave and Annette). This child shows all the signs and promise of a normal healthy birth. He (our grandson) has been the recipient of much prayer as are his Dad (our son) and Mom.

I stopped and bought a card yesterday to go with the gift I was giving Annette. It seemed just a nice simple card and somehow appropriate. The only word were "Changing the world one diaper at a time" I didn't think about the great significance of that simple phrase till later.

"Changing the world one diaper at a time"
Parenting is not really a mundane task even though it seems like it many times. The many repeated "no's" and occasional "yeses". The little hands that have to be led until they are running ahead on their own and dragging you along. The countless meetings with school, lessons, sports and church that seem such an infringement on your time. The skinned knees bandaged, the tears wiped, the homework helped with, don't seem very significant at the time yet they help shape the soul of a person created in God's image.

I am so glad I went to Waskesiu for the day yesterday that I am going back up after church today. Besides they are having another barbecue and when doctors have a barbecue that means really good steak. Last night the barbecue was at the pavilion up at Elk Ridge and I, not being a golfer, had not been in to the place. It is gorgeous. It is a good place for Leo to be on Fathers Day since he will get to do what he likes to do best - not what he is best at, but golf is his favorite pastime. He gets to do what he does best this morning too - teach - a course on hepatitis C. Hep C is almost a plague in Prince Albert which is a sad indicator on the rate of IV drug use here in this small city.

Yesterday was for me like a day of retreat. I had no one to entertain and no place I was expected to be. I spent part of the day on the shore of the lake reading, praying and contemplating things. I found a trail where I was secluded enough to practice my recorder since I wasn't sure the other hotel guests would appreciate the noise. And then I went back to the room and had a nap. I'm a little sunburned but since I remembered my sunscreen, not too bad.

One of the things I took along to read was a copy of E-vangelism 2.0 - the introduction by Andrew Careaga If you haven't read it yet - do. I liked what he said and this is just the introduction.

Sometimes when I have to work Fridays, I am so happy when the last patient of the day cancels. 'Twas the case today and I am so glad because it is an absolutely gorgeous day and although it is nice to be in an air conditioned building, it is also nice to be out in the yard. I could work in the garden tomorrow too but I have opted to spend the day at Waskesiu on the beach with a good book instead. Forced relaxation since I am driving Sara up there to babysit for the continuing ed course Leo is speaking at. So I have my bedding plants in and the rest of the weeds will have to wait.

I was having trouble getting my little rototiller to work so my son, David the landscaper, kindly came over and did my flower garden for me and the rest of the lawn was mowed and the weeds whacked. He smashed his finger this morning and came by my office for a Band-Aid so I guess he felt generous towards his Mom.

My philosopher son, blew up in school today I guess. He had thought about skipping a couple of periods to catch up on some rest. Finals and grad are next week and he is stressed and tired. He decided to go to class so he would not miss the revision - got there and the class was making so much noise the teacher could not keep order. Patrick stood up and yelled for everyone to "Shut the F... up" and left for the library. I guess everyone has a point at which they snap. Righteous anger? Not my choice of language but I imagine the students got the message. The teacher thanked him!

It is always an experience to talk to a dreamer and a philosopher and we have one living in our house. Our conversation rambles on between the feasibility of taking hydroelectric power and using it to create fuel cells to at the other extreme, the fears of ever daring to commit to a marriage relationship. Often the conversation seems to yo-yo between dreams and reality. Tonight we had one of those long talks. Always he makes me think. And wonder. What does God have in store for him?


Child, Philosopher, King

A child alone
Many miles and eons of difference to cross
Experiences running together like the words on unlined pages.
Was loneliness not there?

You came in
Not yet a part of us
Thrust into a world so foreign it could have been the moon.
What did you think?

What did you see?
The year that you went home
Silently becoming a stranger, seeing now through foreign eyes?
What changed you so?

Now that you
Are lodged inside my heart
What unknowing destiny will Gods great plan have you fulfill?
His next Philosopher? King?



This week we dropped off the papers we hope will be the key to bringing more of our "extended family" here to live with us, to attend school, to be raised in our home, to be influenced by our values and beliefs. Can I be the mother to ten kids in all? I am not SuperMom but I have experienced that God provides the necessary grace to do what he needs to get done. And I know that if God is in this, it will happen and it will be OK.

This morning I totally forgot to take my lunch to work. It turned out that I was done a few minutes early at noon and had time to run home and get something to eat. I only live about 5 minutes by car from my office. It is nice living in a city small enough for that kind of commuting time. Anyway I came home and all of a sudden a gang of teenaged guys descended upon our home. Boy can they eat! Cleaned me out of pizza pops again. They did offer me some but I had already started warming up my spinach and cheese pizza. Funny - I got to eat it all by myself. There are certain advantages to liking spinach. By the time I got home tonight it was all gone though. We must have a closet spinach lover in our house. I always try to keep my kids from eating my favorites by telling them it is an adult food and is very healthy for you. They are growing up too fast.

It is fun having a bunch of guys around talking and arguing and stuff. Good to see the guys at ease in our home with their friends. It is fun to meet the friends too. Just wish they would bring their own lunch. Have to make another grocery store run again.

The deacon meeting tonight was short and sweet. Sometimes I am so disorganized that I think I must have forgotten a whole chunk out of the agenda when the meeting only takes an hour. Not that we had any earth shattering stuff to discuss. I am sick of making up committees. It takes so long for us to set the committee up that it is summer before it is official and then you know how it goes - can't do much over the summer then it is winter again and time to start over with a new year. Not much time to actually do anything except get organized. We spend more time spinning around in circles like this than in doing anything useful for the body of believers. We get more fruitful work done over a cup of coffee with a friend and we don't have to publish any minutes.

Wonder of wonders! The lost binder has been found. Grace's track coach picked it up. Why oh why did he not tell her on Friday? Anyway one should not complain about an answer to prayer. Grace is much relieved.

Today has been one of those days when I alternately acted like an ogre or the tooth fairy. Had to give six kids today the lecture - you know - the one that goes "If you don't like your teeth then go ahead and let them rot but don't ask me to leave your braces on in that pool of plaque". Two were seriously threatened with having the braces off. Now that was the ogre side. I'm trying to think of to whom I was nice enough to be classed as a tooth fairy. Maybe the poor guy who had let his teeth get way beyond repair and on whom we took out the remaining 6. Some days being a dentist can be depressing.

Actually, having a vivid sense of being called to do what I do has given my life a sense of adventure more often than a sense of despair.

Sometimes it is hard to know how much to get involved in your child's academic life. I hate to be an interfering parent so I usually have to get really riled up before I talk to a teacher and then I'm not usually too effective, if you know what I mean. I'm ashamed to say that I actually made one of my kid's teachers cry. Well, if she hadn't accused my daughter of forging my signature and stealing another child's shoes it would definitely never have happened. At least I tell myself that was "righteous anger". After all she was talking about my well behaved kid.

Now I have had to write a letter for my daughter who is not very well behaved about her lost homework. Maybe the teacher thinks that losing a binder at a track meet is a bit on the same level as "the dog ate my homework" excuse. Grace comes across as very "cool" and cocky and because of her sometimes too expressive body language people in authority often take her to be a smart alec rebel rather than a very scared little kid longing for acceptance. Maybe I'm just too sympathetic because I love her and want things to turn out better for her. So I hope the letter gets the results which we need here - a chance to redo her lost homework. One week to finals too.

I wish God's wisdom was more clear when it comes to how to help our kids grow up right.

Leighton Tebay over at The Heresy has an entry which struck me. He comments that we don't give our pastors enough support and I agree. We expect them to be there for us, giving us counsel, leading us to a deeper level spiritually but are we there for them? They are human too. Maybe one of the problems comes from their professional role. I mean - Have you ever asked your dentist if she/he brushes her/his teeth? We would be shocked and maybe not accept it very well. How would you pastors take it if we asked you how your devotional life was going? These are pretty well expected activities and sometimes we fail to live up to our own expectations

Today my devotional reading included Getting out of the Faith Ghetto by Dan Buck. It's in a little book called Deeper Walk by Relevant
"Trying to be spiritual away from the rest of life is like trying to eat without any food or like trying to be a really good driver without ever going down the road. We get in and study the steering wheel and gauges, then we get out of the car and start walking down the road. It's in everyday life that our spirituality can be exercised."

My day, my week at work and at home is about to begin. There's going to be lots of everyday life this week for me to exercise my spirituality. I know that without God in me I will not make it through the week intact - and chances are the people around me will be the ones to suffer if I don't. So God - live in me and through me and please don't let me make too many mistakes this week!