Well, we are getting there. I am beginning to blog on my new site. You will find me from now on at linealanoie.com Over the next little while I guess everything will get moved over and set up so please excuse the mess while I'm in the process of moving.

Yesterday my sisters, who live in Cochrane, and I spent a day together. We headed up to the Banff and Canmore areas. We did some things none of our husbands would much appreciate doing - like visiting the show homes just east of Canmore. What magnificent homes! What expensive homes! Of course the one we liked the most was only 1.2 million.

Then in to Canmore for lunch and a visit to a fudge store. Up to Johnson Lake where we watched the helicopters coming in to fill up there buckets for firefighting. A constant turnaround as the fire was just east of there - quite close to the highway. Got some interesting pictures which I will post later. Then in towards Banff for a short hike. Thought we would visit Banff too for some ice cream but as we drove into the town we realized that they were having a power outage - due to the fire not the big black out in the east of Canada. So we revisited Canmore for the ice cream.

The smoke lies heavily over the city of Calgary this morning. The downtown area completely invisible from Sarcee trail where it rises overlooking the city.

Tomorrow we return home. It will be good to get back to my own computer.

Watch for a change over the next couple of weeks as I switch over to hosting by Prairie Fusion.

A Cloud Of Witnesses
One of the books I picked up recently is a little book by Esther De Waal called The Celtic Way Of Prayer. She speaks of our pilgrimage as we travel through life and of our connectedness to the world we live in and see as well as the mysterious unseen world around us. At the end of her introduction she states:
"...I am reminded that I travel in company with those who have made this peregrinatio (pilgrimage) before me, by the whole company of heaven, the saints and the angels, a 'cloud of witnesses', who surround me and who hold me up as I go."

This reminds me of my own experience when my mother died. We were in the Congo and had just arrived at the place we were to work about five days earlier. Our passports had been sent down to the capital to have permanent residence visas a couple of days before. When we got the radio message we were not able to travel - no documents. The news was so totally unexpected as was her sudden death. Within the shock of the news came the sense of her presence with me. Not a ghostly presence but as one now forever alive. I knew that although she was no longer living and able to give me the motherly advice I would have liked from her I had the closeness of her spirit still living and caring for me.

It became a little more clear to me why Catholics would pray to the saints - or rather to God via the saints. We protestants of the evangelical genre tend to avoid discussing these things - they are somehow looked on as irrational and not theologically sound. But we are told that we are surrounded by the saints who have gone before us. They do uphold us on the way - by example to be sure, but also in some mysterious way that is beyond our comprehension. Maybe it is somehow that their world is closely linked with ours since we too live with one foot in eternity when we acknowledge God in our lives.

Somehow, I have grown up with a sense of the supernatural being a real part of my life. It has helped me accept what I cannot understand. It gives me a sense of awe as I look at the wonders of the God's world around me from the most intricate details of a cell to the majesty of the mountains. It gives me hope for my future as I travel homeward, not alone but with all those who have gone before as well as those living in this time with me travelling the same path.

Here I am in Cochrane, Alberta, home of the world famous Cochrane ice cream. I haven't had any yet but will before I leave. I think you can only get it here and in Calgary(today I saw a place in Calgary selling it) and it is all made here in this pretty growing town.

I used to think that Cochrane was a strange place - all new houses in their neat little rows. No slums. No place that could be considered the bad part of town. Some places that could definitely be called the rich part of town though. (We're not there!) It actually lacks a lot of the character that a place like Prince Albert has. We have excitement and police action - check out Randall's blog. Saskatoon seems to have the same.

Yesterday, I traveled from Prince Albert to Pigeon Lake via Edmonton, then on down to Cochrane. Left at 8 am. And got here around 8 pm. Only a slight detour in Edmonton trying to find the #2 South. Last night I was exhausted. It felt so good to lie down. Then the alarm went off! I got two very sleepy dancers out of bed and off we went again. Rush hour traffic wasn't half bad. We got downtown in way under an hour - even had time to take them for breakfast before getting them registered.

Then as any good bibliophile does, I found a bookstore and passed a very quick hour there. I came away with a heavy bag and a lighter purse. I got some great books and a couple new CD's.

Calgary has done some very nice things as far as preserving green spaces in their city. I spent about three hours in a park down by the Eau Claire Centre. It was a beautiful day to spend in the park with some books.

I decided to try blogging from my sister's. I didn't remember how slow a dial-up connection was. It challenges my patience and takes so long that it makes it difficult to follow links and find some of my favorite blogs. I might try this again one more time before I leave.

I probably won't be blogging much over the next week. I'm off to Calgary via Edmonton and Pigeon Lake where Covenant Bay Bible Camp is located. Drop Sara off there and then go down to Calgary where Grace and her friend Nathalie will attend a dance workshop. I get to stay with my sisters and drive in to the downtown centre of Calgary every day for a week at rush hour and back out to Cochrane every day at rush hour too. When my kids are rich and famous they had better put me in a really nice nursing home! They owe me.

Now I just have to see if I can get onto my sister and brother-in-law's computer to check up on all of you while I am away. I'm hoping to convince my niece, who is entering the school of journalism at the U of Regina to start up a blog of her own.

I have just finished reading Brian McLaren’s book The Story We Find Ourselves In. I don’t think I have been so profoundly affected by a book in a long time. Let’s see if I can come close to explaining why.

First of all – it tells a story that describes my faith. It tells the story of God as I have gradually been coming to understand it over the years. What he says isn’t new to me but it confirms and validates a lot of what I have come to understand about my faith over the years.

Secondly – I learned a lot of new things. Some of the doctrines of the church are extremely hard to comprehend. So, usually, what I do with stuff I don’t understand is to place it in it’s own little closet and shut the door. I know what I should be believing, or what someone has told me I should be believing, but since it doesn’t make much sense to me, I just store it. Now I think I see and it is starting to make sense.

Thirdly – I have been frustrated by the lack of relevance of the church in my children’s lives. I see I am not alone. And this book has given me some hope that I might learn better how to communicate this story of God to them so that they see where they fit in too.

Fourthly – and this is sort of sad, I can see where some of those of you involved in church ministries can be so frustrated. We in the congregation have been sidetracked into following a path where no one else is going anymore except ourselves. Jesus is out there walking with the people in the world and we’re oblivious that we took the wrong turn back at the fork in the road. Put our songlasses on so the light wouldn't hurt our eyes so much or something! Now we hardly need them any more because the light is not so bright!

Fifthly - and this part is scary. The ending of the book is all too likely a possibility and I don’t want it to happen. But for it not to happen we – the congregations of churches - have got to make a major shift. And are we ready? I feel like I have very little control over the ending but maybe that is part of my role as a church leader – to make the ending for us turn out differently. At least I will be alert.

Somehow my archives have vanished from my home page - just become invisible.. They are still there on my posting site but they are sure not there on my home page. And I don't have a clue what I did to bring about this disappearance.

It may be all Randall's fault since he was here tonight helping me put a site meter on my page. And that is when the mysterious disappearance occurred - or shortly thereafter. But if I blame him then he might get insulted and not help me with maybe getting my stuff moved over to a different server so I can't do that. At least I don't have comments yet so he can't leave me a nasty reply!

While Randall was here we were talking about the book The Story We Find Ourselves In by Brian McLaren. I am not done yet but the way the author relates the story of the Good News is so simple yet so profound. It just makes so much sense to me since I do see things through scientific eyes to some extent.
As I'm reading it, there is the rather startling realization that he is telling the story that I am in and that I believe, and he is telling it as I have always wanted to tell it.

If you are of a similar (ie: scientific mindset) then you may want to visit the site of The Canadian Scientific And Christian Affiliation and read more about this organization.

Jordon Cooper talks about the use of Labyrinth as a tool in prayer and worship. He has gotten a lot of reaction - of course. I wasn't aware that only pagans owned the use of the word. We all have labyrinths in our heads you know - in our inner ears. In the dictionary a labyrinth is a complicated or confusing structure - a puzzle, a maze.

Anyway, I realize that is simplifying things - but reaction to the use of such a tool because of it being called a labyrinth seems like over reaction to me.

In my post from Wednesday, Aug. 6 I use a blessing which is called a rune in Madeleine L'Engle's book An Acceptable Time. Now if anything conjures up the image of pagan, it is probably the use of the term rune. Yet the word itself comes from the characters used in the ancient Germanic languages. Yes runes were words or incantations which had magical or mysterious meaning. A rune to a pagan would be a magic spell. To me, a Christian, the term as used by M. L'Engle, also a Christian, evokes images of inscriptions and words that have mysterious and sacred meanings. I think that I would place some of our blessings, Christian symbols, and benedictions into this category of language. And I believe we attach a certain Holy power to these. What we receive from these words goes way beyond the mere meaning of the words. Sometimes God's presence comes to us in very intense and special ways through them.

I hope that as Christians we don't try and eliminate everything from our lives that is mysterious beyond our understanding - that doesn't fit into some neat little theological box. Mystery is a big part of how I deal with the big concepts like creation, the incarnation, redemption and resurrection. My God is way too big for my finite little mind to understand and explain all of these. And the biggest mystery of all is his love for me - so intense that he died as a substitute for me long before I was even conceived of. So I use poetry, songs and music, liturgy(which is to me the repetition of a sacred act) and other means- like maybe a labyrinth or candles or whatever- to assist me in worshipping this mysteriously wonderful God. It is not how I worship but who that makes my worship true worship.

I believe that God created our sense of mystery, our sense of wonder and delight at all his creation for our and his enjoyment. I refuse to somehow hand over this part of who I am to the domain of the "occult", "new age" or any other label the evil one would like to use to frighten me away from experiencing this part of who God created me to be.

Thursday was kind of a blur.

It started off with a wonderful breakfast with a few friends at Lauralea's table. Wonderful scones and jam. I haven't had gooseberry jam for ages! And Lauralea's cherry jelly was - well it did make one want to eat too many scones! Thank you so much Lauralea. It was a treat.

Then I was off and running - quite literally driving - for the rest of the day. I had to be in Saskatoon before 12:30, pick up my son and his wife who were leaving for Washington D.C. for a wedding, drop them at the airport and then pick up the returning CHICers who were coming in at 1:00 on the same plane my other kids were leaving on. I was told later that not much sleeping was done by these three the night before. In fact maybe none - Don't they look alert! And here's another one that didn't get much sleep either along with the fatigued looking fearless leader.

We went directly back up to Prince Albert after a short stop (I had three guys in my car) at Mc D"s. Got home in time to rest my eyes for 30 minutes then headed off for Saskatoon again to get there in time for a soccer game - by 6:00. The Celtics recorded their first loss of the season. They were outplayed - I hate to admit it - by Saskatoon Hollandia and lost 2-1. Hopefully a loss will make them sharpen up their game. Not too good for one to go through life never losing!

Needless to say, when I got home at 11:00, I was exhausted and hit the hay!

From An Acceptable Time by Madeleine L'Engle. The words are hers, the pictures are from my trip.

"Hold me in peace while sleeping

Wake me with the sun's smiling

With pure water slake my thirst

Let me be merry in your love."

Reading fiction by authors like Madeleine L'Engle makes me more aware of the mysteries that exist in this world. I think she delves into some of the true mysteries of God and his universe - things that are way beyond our comprehension. I like the way she approaches science - as being a part of the mystery but not all of it. I know it is only fiction, but it speaks to the mystic in me and helps me to accept as unknowable by me, but true none the less, some of the great events and truths described in the Bible.

She talks about the power of words.
"Words -runes, for instance - were sometimes misused. They were meant to bless, but they were sometimes called on for curses...Yes runes were sometimes abused, but it was never forgotten that they had power...
"But Polly, interested, asked, 'You mean the old rhyme 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me' is wrong?"
"The bishop agreed. 'Totally.' "...
"The bishop continued, 'That little rhyme doesn't take into account that words have power, intrinsic power. I love you. What could be more powerful than that small trinity? On the other hand, malicious gossip can cause horrible damage."

And for an author whose medium of communication is words, words have incredible power. Through them we are taught all sorts of things, complex ideas are transmitted to us, and through them we can share thoughts and even a part of what makes us who we are. We should never underestimate their effect on others.

The introvert's paradise! I don't think I talked to more than a half dozen people in the last 48 hours. The guy when I checked in, the lady in the store below my room, a woman with a dog by the beach and a family playing some throwing game I had to dodge around at the beach. Oh yeah! And God. I had lots of time to talk to God over the past few days and not a single interruption. I was out of range for my cell phone. My family knew where I was and I figured the RCMP could always find me if there was a serious emergency.

I came back to Prince Albert on the back roads from Anglin Lake. The road was pretty rough but nice in a bumpy sort of way. I found a quiet spot right beside the National Park boundary that was perfect to sit and read in - right by the lake. I will post my pictures over the next few days.

I don't I've ever had the freedom to do such a retreat sort of couple of days all by myself before. Usually I have several children along and that does take the "no interruptions" part out of the picture altogether. We mothers willingly give up a good part of the privacy in our lives when we have children and it is just an inevitable part of the raising of children. Nothing we especially begrudge but when a chance comes to have some time to ourselves it is precious. Thanks Leo who tried to play housedad this last few days. At last count all children are alive and well!

Over the next few days I may find the words to share some of what God talked to me about along with my pictures. Read some good stuff in books too. Now I must do a little assignment for Sara - write a fantastic Bio for her surprise soccer player card.

Words. That's what we bloggers mostly deal in. Sometimes they flow out so effortlessly. Sometimes it is hard to say what your heart really feels. And there are times when we write or speak quickly without thought. Once spoken or posted it is hard to take them back.

Why don't we watch our words more closely? They may look pretty on the page or sound very knowledgeable and sophisticated but what ugly thoughts they can portray. We may think we are clever to use words that sting, are cynical, full of irony - cruel words. We try to make ourselves look so right, so in the know. But we are only trying to exalt ourselves at the expense of someone else.

Words can hurt. They can hurt more than "sticks and stones". The invisible wounds are not evident at first but sometimes the soul wounds never heal. They fester and the illness planted in us by them becomes a chronic disease that eats away at our self-confidence until we can't handle anything more and we begin to die. We don't dare to live anymore because criticism gets too hard to bear. The joy goes. The light goes out. Cruel words can kill - slowly.

I think that is why Jesus said what he did to the Pharisees of his day.
" A good person produces good words from a good heart, and an evil person
produces evil words from an evil heart. And I tell you this, that you must give an
account on judgment day of every idle word you speak. The words you say
now reflect your fate then; either you will be justified by them or you will be
condemned." Matthew 12: 35 to 37.

All of us who care about the Coopers are also hurt by some cruel words they were sent. I, like many others, are hoping that Jordon and Wendy will continue to blog because they are a blessing to lots of us out here in cyberspace and in real life too. God, Please bring healing as only you can.

We worshiped in the lower sanctum today. Around tables no less - except for some of the older folks who took over the sofa - my dad included. It was good. It was good to think about how to be salt and light to our city. Now we just have to actually put it into action - that is the hard part. To find how God wants to use us and then do something about it instead of just pondering over the idea - forever - and never get anything happening. (And no! We will not look for committee members to organize this! That would surely kill it!)

We shared in communion today as well. To me this is the highlight of every month as far as my liturgical experiences go. To share in an act of remembrance so significant - well it is just very special to me. It reminds me every time what a great sacrifice he made and how he gave up so freely all he ever had to save us. First in the incarnation - God giving us his son to live among us becoming every bit as human as we are. Then in his death - giving up his very life for us so that we do not have to be defeated by evil. And we have the hope of living forever with him so that whatever we encounter on this pretty scary earth is not all there is.

We were out of comfortable pews today and it was OK. No one complained that I know of.

After church we had more than the usual numbers helping to wash up too. That was a small blessing in itself. I sent Michelle, my daughter-in-law on ahead to our house to start getting lunch ready. We put it in the oven and headed out for a quick trip to a potters house and workshop.

Michelle always has the neatest ideas for gifts and the wedding they are attending is special so a special gift is needed. She told me of some of the ideas she had but passed on - she is an environmentalist with strong links to our Saskatchewan land. One idea was taking the body of a dead but undamaged(for the most part she said) toad of some sort and having it bronzed. But she thought that although she would love it she wasn't sure the friend's bride would be. Another was the hawk she found and had mounted but thought the bride might have the same reaction as with the toad.

The pottery is very special. It is the form of a bison. A beautiful rich brown hue with just the right amount of darker brown mottling. The artist who sculpts these incorporates the ground remains of prairie buffalo bones into the clay. So they are a bit real bison. What a beautiful gift - a work of art and a bit of Saskatchewan.

Today was another day with lots of gardening going on. I even got Sara to join me(with the promise of a little cold cash) in hacking down and pulling out a batch of weeds by the fence. Looks a bit better in the driveway. And I whacked down some weeds that were really wild in the old dog run we have in the back. They were beginning to cover up the clump of volunteer raspberries and so I was rewarded with a tasty treat. The old blossoms on the rose bushes all were deadheaded and everything got watered.

It is good to be physically working in the yard sometimes. I hope I get a bit tanned from it without getting burned of course. I'm always so pale. Comes from being the whitest one of the bunch maybe.

For lunch we(Sara and I) went out with Annette, Kieran and Annette's Auntie Coleen. Kieran was his usual quiet contented self until the end when he decided it was time we gave him something to eat too. Only one of us could do that so he broke up our party and went home with mom to eat.

I finished reading Leonard Sweet's Soul Cafe today too. There is too much stuff in there to retain at one reading. I'll probably put it down for awhile and then go back to it. It is a bit like being at a banquet table with all of the richest dishes in front of you. You'd like to eat it all but it is impossible so you have to keep taking just enough to get a taste and then go back and eat again and again. But you also have to push away from it all and do some digesting too. I think I need time to digest for awhile.

Last night got the news that an old friend had gone Home. He and his wife were, at one time, missionaries in the Congo. They had left the Congo before we arrived but came out for a short working visit during our time there. And he was a medical doctor so we spent a good deal of time together while they were there. They returned to Canada during their retirement and we visited a few times. Always lots of fun - reminiscing about Congo stuff, sharing jokes and stories. He had a very aggressive form of cancer so it has only been a short time since the diagnosis. A very short time. He chose not to do the chemotherapy. Letting go and going on. Now he is Home.

God,
Bring peace and comfort into Vangie's life right now. Bring her and her children the strength they need to get through the next few days - the numbing days of loss and funeral busyness. Continue to be there with them as the days go on and the loss becomes more real.

May the memory of Vern and his life continue to inspire all of us who knew him.

Amen

Today was another gardening day. Weeds seem to grow about twice as fast as the flowers. But the flowers I do have are probably at their best now. I have this one on my desktop.

One of the things I like best about my home is the yard. It is like a bit of wild park and in the summer with all the trees in full leaf it is very private. And if you don't look too closely you won't see the weeds.

I must confess that today was mostly spent being lazy. I guess you could say I was unwinding but I think most of it was just downright laziness. Oh well tomorrow I can always make up for it.

Whoopee!!! I am officially on vacation. There are some years when vacations are great but this year I am so needing a vacation! Three whole weeks to recuperate so I can go back to work for another year. Actually it's not that bad since we go back at the end of August to a 4 day week the first week we are back and then we have a long weekend right away again. I think I'll survive.

My oldest son just dropped in to use our laundry facilities and shower before he heads somewhere up by Dore Lake to help fight fires. He works for Sands Septic and the pumping capacity is used not only to pump out hog barn lagoons but to draw water from lakes to fight fires. After about a week of this he and his wife head down to Washington D.C. where he will be best man for his best friend's wedding.

Monday, we all will help my sister and brother-in-law celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. That will be fun. And then I am heading up to one of the lakes nearby to have my own private retreat. Three days to myself. For me that is something I haven't been able to do for many years. When you have a houseful of children it is hard to get away without taking some of them along. I need to restore my sanity this time. Maybe it shows! Oh my goodness - maybe that is why my husband encouraged me to do this!

Actually we are anticipating the addition of three more children to our home - if their visas come through. If this takes place, I won't be getting a lot of breaks for the next little while. Two ten year olds and a 14 year old (besides the 17, 15 and 14 yr olds still left at home) should keep me occupied I think. If God pulls this off then it will work out OK but I won't have much free time. They could be here as soon as September.

The kids arrived in Tennessee. Just got a phone call from my two. They called with the most popular request kids everywhere make - please send more money. I guess there was a slight mixup and no day before or day after reservations were made for them. So it will cost a few extra dollars. I have really come to appreciate internet banking. Only trouble is, it is too easy for kids to catch on too.

The kids will learn an important lesson about travel - check the reservations. I guess we parents can be held partly responsible. Next time...

I really regret the extra hassle this will cause the two counselor/chaperones.

Any way on a more upbeat note - Grace left me a wonderful little note under my pillow before she left. It is a very special note to me because what she said was so significant in the light of some stuff that has happened this week in her life. I am praying that God will meet her in a very special way at CHIC this week- Christian as well.

This morning Grace McK and I were at the church for Gate Crashers. As we sat and shared and prayed together, I was made aware of the deep need I have to develop meaningful relationships with fellow Christians. I need the support of their prayers and they of mine. And we talked about the need to mentor our young people as they grow in the faith but how hard it is to get a legitimate entry into their lives. This is something - one of the many things - we need to do in our church community . But it can't be some program set up. It has to grow out of a genuine interest in each other.

God,
Help me be part of the building process. Show me, timid, introverted me, where I can be useful. Help me to discover ways to connect with some of the young people in our church and take the initiative to do something to make the connection.

And God help those kids down at CHIC to discover You in new ways this week. Let the difficulties of traveling fade away in the light of seeing and meeting with you this week. Do not let the problems they have run into overwhelm them or their leaders. And help us parents not to be critical and petty about whose fault it was that some things did not get done "right". Give us the grace to allow some forgiveness for errors made. Protect our kids while they are in Tennessee.

Amen

I was just thinking - Christ traveled much farther from his home and at a much younger age. He knows all about the complications of traveling and finding no room at the end of the journey. He'll be there with our kids. I think we can count of that!

We received a summary of a speach given by Joan Chittister from a friend of ours. Wow, it contains a powerful message! You can read more about Joan here. I don't care what your opinions are on the ordination of women to ministry in the church - she says some powerful stuff!

Here's a copy of the report we received:
More meat than mince

Church isn't meant to be non-prophet, nun tells Women's Gathering

by Alexa Smith

LOUISVILLE - In her sermon during the final plenary of the 2003
Churchwide Gathering of Presbyterian Women last weekend, Sister Joan
Chittister didn't mince words.

Making nice is just not her style.

Chittister, one of the first journalists to criticize the Bush
administration in print for its war-making, has insisted repeatedly that
it does matter whether the government decided on the basis of bad
intelligence to invade Iraq, and that it does matter whether U.S.
officials lied about the urgency of destroying what apparently may have
been non-existent weapons of mass destruction.

In Louisville, she took on the Church, capital "C" - without naming names.

She told her audience that too many religious institutions - run by
establishment-comfy, offering-conscious clergy or pietistic bureaucrats
- would rather "bind up wounds made by the system, but do nothing to
change the system that is doing the wounding."

In other words: Real ministry means exposing the underlying causes of
suffering, not being satisfied merely to be present - to use a "churchy"
term - with those who suffer.

Chittister challenged her listeners to do better than clergy and church
leaders who fear that speaking prophetically might cut into their
offerings and their numbers: "Our ministry must be not only to comfort,
but to challenge the state, community and church," she said. "Not just
to attend to the pain, but to advocate for change; to be not just a
vision, but a voice; not simply to care for the victims of the world,
but also to change the institutions that victimize them."

That is what is required of Christians who balance contemplation and
action, who refuse to simply "play church" or be tempted to settle for
bureaucracy, weekday mysticism and office management, she said.

In a gathering of more than 4,000 women that was otherwise subdued,
Chittister's words brought her listeners to their feet. The diminutive
nun was applauded loudly and long as she stepped out of the spotlight
and offstage.

The reason people tend to sell prophetic witness short? It costs too much.

"The church became part of the establishment," Chittister said over a
breakfast of eggs benedict the morning after she preached. Somehow, she
said, personal spirituality and action - especially political critique -
got separated in the minds of U.S. churchgoers who often confuse
Americanism with the Bible, and good citizenship with unquestioning
loyalty to the government.

On the other hand, she said, Jesus was a contemplative who practiced
active reflection and demanded more from his disciples than personal
faith; he wanted commitment to the process of bringing about the reign
of God.

"I never read a Bible story where it says, 'Jesus didn't want to rock
the boat, so he decided not to say anything that day.' Or, 'Jesus went
home with the rich man and decided not to say anything more,'"
Chittister said.

Chittister, whose father was a Presbyterian, is a Benedictine Sister of
Erie known nationally for her opinionated column, "From Where I Stand,"
in the National Catholic Reporter. She is engaged in international peace
work, now with the Global Peace Initiative of Women Religious and
Spiritual Leaders, which is funded by the United Nations. Her role is
leading the Women's Partnership for Peace in the Middle East, which
brings together Israeli and Palestinian women.

Chittister became a national voice as a Benedictine prioress, spiritual
director and social psychologist who refused to splinter her diverse
perspectives and insisted on applying the principles of spiritual
awakening to the political realm.

Preaching on the Transfiguration story from the Gospel of Matthew,
Chittister told Presbyterian Women that on Mount Tabor that night, Jesus
identified himself with Moses and Elijah - not David, the king, or
Aaron, the priest, Biblical characters that represent royalty and ritual.

"Jesus identified himself on Tabor ... with Moses, who led people out of
oppression, and with Elijah, whom King Ahab called 'that troubler of
Israel,' the one who condemned the compromise between true and false
gods, the one ... who exposed to the people the underlying causes of
their problems," she said.

"Jesus, the minister, identified himself not with the kings and priest
of Israel who had maintained its establishments and developed its
institutions, good as they were," she pointed out. "No, Jesus, the
healer, identified himself with the prophets, with those who had been
sent to warn Israel of its unconscionable abandonment of the covenant."

Nor does Jesus stay on the mountaintop, as Peter is prepared to
do.Instead, he comes down to the plain below, to walk among crowds of
suffering people.

Chittister said Christians are called to do more than be pietistic or
merely to move among the hurting. Ministry, she said, means exposing to
the wounded the underlying causes of "all the wounding in this world" -
and doing so in the face of opposition from those "institution-saving
types for whom saving the system is much too often a higher priority
than saving the people."

She told her audience: "Service people can pay for, and many people do.
But ministry, real ministry, is priceless, and can be done only in the
name of Jesus, not in the name of careers, professions or promotions."

The root causes of suffering in the world are many, she said, and too
few ministers speak about them.

Churches minister every day to hurting families on the verge of
financial collapse, she said, but no one speaks about the loss of
industries to Third World countries whose people are reduced to
industrial slavery.

Seldom mentioned are seniors losing Medicare benefits; the one in six
Americans who can't afford insurance; the fact that more money is put
into weapons of mass destruction than in human development.

"Let's put it this way," Chittister said. "If you were to count one
trillion $1 bills, one per second, 24 hours a day, it would take you 32
years to finish counting. But with that trillion dollars, you could buy
a $100,000 house for every family in Kansas, Missouri, Nebraska,
Oklahoma and Iowa and you could put a $10,000 car in the garage of every
one of those homes. Then there would be enough money left to build 250
$10 million libraries and 250 $10 million hospitals for every city in
those states. And after that, there would still be enough money left
over to put in the bank and, from the interest alone, pay 10,000 nurses
and 10,000 teachers and still give a $5,000 bonus to ever family in
those five states. That's what one trillion dollars will buy in this
country today.

"But Star Wars, the 'death star' weapon being sold as a defense system
but which most credible scientists say can't possibly work, now - this
morning, while we sit here - has already cost more than that. And, the
Brookings Institution tells us, nuclear weaponry alone already carries a
price tag of over $5 trillion."

Such demons, Chittister told her listeners, are not driven out by
insight, vision, contemplation and compassion, nor by organizational
niceties, canon law or clericalism.

"This kind is driven out only by prayer," she said, "by 'putting on the
mind of Christ,' not by putting on more titles, or roles, or uniforms,
or offices, or money. This kind is driven out by soul-sightedness, only
by risk, only by courage, only by a care that supersedes cost, only by a
heart devoted to causes rather than to symptoms.

"This kind is driven out only by the spirit of Moses and Elijah, whom
kings expelled and professionals despised and the temple feared, but to
whom the people looked for truth."

Chittister said in an interview that women's ministry can be powerful in
such times, precisely because institutions seldom support them well. In
her own tradition, she said, religious women have received paltry
salaries, but managed somehow to build their own institutions and still
pay their bills.

Economic independence from the larger church, she said, allows them to
read the Gospel without wearing ecclesiastical fetters. Pastors, she
said, will tell you in a heartbeat that a hard word may be costly in
terms of money or support."Preaching the Gospel is something you do
without counting the heads," she said. (We are called) to be a leaven in
the society, not to be the population."

In her sermon, Chittister drew knowing laughter from her female
listeners by reminding them of the poor treatment of women by
institutions they serve. She criticized churches where God may be called
"rock, tree, key, wind, door and dove in centuries of litanies without
bringing the church to perdition, but ... can never, ever call the God
who is endless being, eternal womb, mother.

"How can we think we minister to women and erase them from the very
pronouns of the church?" she demanded.

Chittister said she has tried for decades to learn how to faithfully mix
contemplation and action, piety and politics. The church has tried
dogmatic clericalism, she said, and discovered that it doesn't work.
Also insufficient is simple sharing of the suffering of others, a kind
of misguided solidarity.

She said she is now counting on the concept of co-creation, the idea
that the church is creating a new model for living inside the shell of
the old.

"If you are seeing the world through the eyes of Jesus, Moses and
Elijah, you understand that you have to do something about what you see,
" she said. "You contemplate what is going on ... seeing it with your
soul. "Then you do something."

Psalm 150

1
Praise the LORD!
Praise God in his heavenly dwelling;
praise him in his mighty heaven!
2
Praise him for his mighty works;
praise his unequaled greatness!
3
Praise him with a blast of the trumpet;
praise him with the lyre and harp!
4
Praise him with the tambourine and dancing;
praise him with stringed instruments and flutes!
5
Praise him with a clash of cymbals;
praise him with loud clanging cymbals.
6
Let everything that lives sing praises to the LORD!
Praise the LORD!

Holy Bible. New Living Translation copyright © 1996 by Tyndale Charitable Trust. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers.

Do you know what I wish? I wish I could dance! My feet never learned the freedom of movement that my children's feet know so well. I was taught that this was something wrong to do and so my feet never were allowed to follow the music's rythmns. It remains one of those things that I am most timid about. It is funny how some childhood training can be such an influence even into my adult life, suffocating that form of expression. There is nothing I like better - to watch the gracefulness of really good dancers. But no matter how I try, I can't get my feet to dance.

But I think that one day I'll be free to dance at last.

Someday, My Feet Will Dance !

Someday, my feet will dance,
Move in time to the music
That I hear,
That I feel,
That He plays.

Someday, my feet will be set free
Where now they're still,
Fixed to the spot,
Bound invisibly,
Too timid to move.

Someday, my feet will move
To the rhythm makers irresistible beat,
To the uninhibited
Steps and rhythms
Of His dance.

I will dance, someday, in His house!
My feet, my whole self, will dance
Unrestrained,
Full of joy.
Dance for Him!

Today has been a day of real downers and real uppers. One of the real good things was having friends over and just having a very good time. We don't do this enough. And it was so nice out. Can't say the same for inside our house tonight though. Wish it would cool down as fast inside as out.

As for the downer stuff, well it happened. Sometimes I think the evil one likes to get his jabs in at us through the chinks in our armor. And it hurts when he gets through the defenses. And I suspect he knows my most vulnerable spot is my kids. So if he wants me to start worrying he knows how to get to me.

So help me to remember, God, your care for them and trust them into your care. And give me wisdom enough to know what to say and what not to say. Help me to be a firm but loving mom. And throw up your protective barrier around my little erring one.

Now goodnight all. I'm beat.

Ten Things I liked the Best About the Congo

Maybe its just the warmth of this night but I am reminiscing about some good Congo memories.
1. Walking in the light of a full moon hearing the people in the neighboring village sing and dance as the drums beat.

2. Walking at night under a sky so lit by stars that no full moon was needed to see.

3. The scent of Frangi pangi and coffee blossoms

4. Sitting around the fire talking to good friends, the kids roasting ears of corn.

5. Floating in small warm Lake Kwada while on vacation

6. The variety of friends - Congolese, Belgian, Portuguese, Dutch, American and British. Merchants and missionaries, priests, sisters and co -workers

7. New Years at Bobadi. Playing Monopoly with Pere Marcel translating the chance cards from Dutch for us

8. Riding my motorbike with the warm wind on my face, little arms encircling me as we ride.

9. Bananas - just at the peak of ripeness - a whole stalk hanging there. Pick and eat.

10. Incredible hospitality, incredible generosity

Our congregation has chosen to sponsor two young men, refugees, to come to Canada. We have been in the process for four years now. The guys are from the Congo and are presently in the Cameroon waiting. They are in Cameroon because that is where they were asked to go to have their refugee interviews. Before that they were in the Central African Republic. They left for the Cameroon just before civil war broke out in earnest in the Central African Republic. Before that they walked about 300 Kms to leave the Congo at the height of the civil war in north western Congo. Their lives have been in limbo ever since.

These guys are fortunate enough. We send them the bare necessities they need to survive. And we have been able to help them enroll in carpentry classes and English classes while they wait. Can you imagine waiting so long with total uncertainty?

MCC is the organization under which we are sponsoring. They and we are getting frustrated to the point of looking for answers from some people higher up on the bureaucratic ladder. There is no reason for the long delays in getting refugees to Canada. These are legitimate refugees with groups ready to sponsor them and help them make the adjustment to Canadian life.

Proverbs 3: 27 to 28
"Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it is in your power to help them. If you can help your neighbor now, don't say 'Come back tomorrow, and then I'll help you.' "

I don't think the immigration people live by this rule! The whole system seems to be set up to keep people out not to help those who qualify to come.

Steve McMillan up in Yellowknife,NWT is blogging. Link to Ponder this and have a read.

I have been dialoging with Leighton on his The Cost of Community. Then this morning my reading was this: Matthew 13: 24 to 30.

Here is another story Jesus told: "The kingdom of Heaven is like a farmer who planted good seed in his field. But that night as everyone slept, his enemy came and planted weeds among the wheat. When the crop began to grow and produce grain, the weeds also grew. The farmers servants came and told him,'Sir, the field where you planted that good seed is full of weeds!'
" 'An enemy has done it!' the farmer exclaimed.
" ' Shall we pull out the weeds?' they asked.
"He replied, 'No, you'll hurt the wheat if you do. Let both grow together until the harvest. Then I will tell the harvesters to sort out the weeds and burn them and to put the wheat in the barn.' "

Do you know that it has only taken 33 years for us to go from this to this! See we are still smiling! All in all it has been a good 33 years.

Today we had a call from Jacques in the Congo. We are in the process of applying for visa'a for the younger siblings of Patrick and Christain to come and attend school here. They are in a situation that is not altogether safe, especially considering a lot of sexual/moral risks for young girls growing up there. Jacques has some serious concerns for his son and daughters.

Anyways, the papers we sent from here have arrived and Jacques sets out now for Abijan in the Ivory Coast with the children. That is a long trip with three kids and the end results are not a sure thing. It will be stressful for them I am sure. Our prayers are that they will be granted student visas.

I am also going to have to adjust to having three new members of the family if they come. And for that I will need lots of prayer. Leo will work harder to support a few more kids. I will have all the mothering issues that will most surely come up especially with two ten year old girls leaving their mother for a stranger at such a critical time in their emotional lives. Yikes! Pray hard!

Yesterday was an interesting day at work. It was a day when I had to get some things done that I was struggling with. Some technical glitches like a broken root canal file and a difficult appliance to fit. Now this day could have been totally frustrating but it turned out to be a day well spent. I'm not one of those people that glibly say that I prayed and God fixed everything. I was working hard but I also know God is always there with me.

The root canal file broke the last time I was working on the tooth. So I had to tell the patient and get her back to attempt to get it out. The cutting edge of the file is embedded in the surface of the nerve chamber. (That is how we file away the surface to get a smooth cone shaped interior that will accept the filling and have it fit snuggly.) Then the file is turned, removing the interior surface leaving it smooth. Only this time the tip of file remained embedded in the dentin surface. It kind of blocks the canal when this happens and sometimes we just leave it and fill up to the broken file. This piece was broken right up in the entry to the canal so I couldn't do that. It had to come out or else the tooth had to be removed.

I worked for awhile trying to get down past the file with no success. Then I got out this little gadget that produces ultrasonic vibrations and it worked. Out came the little piece of file just when I was about to give up and explain to the patient that I was going to have to take her tooth out.

You would think that would be the end of the story - no way! I had to finish the smoothing so the root canal filling would fit well. I picked up another file - the same size- Brand New so it shouldn't break right? One single turn of the file and I was back to square one. Out came the ultrasonic gadget again and again it came out. A huge silent prayer of thanks went up to God on my part!

The appliance fit well too. Finally after two remakes! And I was able to help my locums dentist with a difficult extraction and show her an easier way. And the student learned a good lesson in not jumping to conclusions - took his time to diagnose a case that was difficult to sort out. So all in all it was a good day.

When I was in Vancouver, my cousin asked me if I really liked being a dentist. Yeah, there are some days when I love it - and not just the easy days when nothing goes wrong. I never have to work alone - God is always there. He made the stuff I work on so shouldn't I expect a little help from Him when I need it!

A friend of ours and noted writer of important medical trivia writes a medical journal of note. Want some fun medical reading check out the PA Pearls

I was catching up on some blogging, dropping in on some sites that I missed reading over the weekend. Leighton Tebay blogged about different translations of the Bible the other day and it started me to thinking, especially the comments.

Sounds like the different versions are in a competition for accuracy. And these are only the English versions!

Those of us who are not in the translation/hermeneutics business appreciate you scholars wanting us to have an accurate translation. Going back to the original texts sure wouldn't mean much to me! And literal translations are usually very bad when read in the language they are translated into. I like the way the Wyclif people translate - finding the closest equivalents in the local culture to express what the best scholars say the Bible states in the originals or other good translations.

I want a Bible that is accurate and I have to depend on scholars for that. But I also want one that is meaningful, that I can pick up and read and through it have God speak to me. To do that it needs to speak to me in my language and have relevance in the context of the culture in which I live. Sometimes it needs to speak to me in new words that wake me up. Sometime it needs to speak to me in poetry that touches my inner self. God is speaking to me through his recorded words while at the same time, if I am listening for his voice, he will be raising my awareness of how his words have meaning for my life. No translation will have a lot of meaning if my inner ears are too plugged up to hear him.

It's been a busy day. It always takes awhile for me to get things back together after being away for a few days. You know, the "mom" stuff doesn't get done by anyone else. So today I got a few things straightened out but my suitcase still has stuff in it. And it is too hot to do much in our house.

The weekend in Vancouver was very good as far as the course goes. But by Sunday afternoon by about 3:00, my brain kind of switched off. Fortunately, the lecturer provides all his presentations on CD and so I can go over everything I didn't catch the first time around. I hate the courses I have to pay hundreds of dollars to go to where the lecturer doesn't even provide printed handouts.

Sunday evening was spent just the way I wanted to - visiting with my cousin over a leisurely feast of seafood. It has been a long time since I really visited with her. She's a bit older than me and has some health issues that mean she faces things now that most of us just put on the back burner. As she said it is not so much the going that bothers her it is just the how of going that bothers her. I think that is probably how many of us feel.

Then coming back to Saskatoon early enough to do a few things was nice. It was like having a day off. Got up to visit my sister-in-law in the hospital and see her huge incision. She's doing well but says she'd never choose to have that done again!

And got to spend some time with Eric - and take him out for a bowl of soup at Alexanders. Leo and I used to go out often to a restaurant at the same location back in the days... And then a great blog party that evening at Coopers.

It is always good to come home. Now if we just had air conditioning!

This morning my worship involved getting up and having my own quiet time with God. At "church time" I was again filling my head with orthodontic facts.

I read from Matthew 12:9-14

Jesus didn't fit in very well with the established religious community of his day. Their values were skewed. They had lots of detail in the rules they made and followed but those rules didn't take them closer to God.

The Pharisees ask Jesus, "Is it legal to work by healing on the Sabbath day?"
They know the legalities - Jesus knew the correct answer - he didnt confront them with the narrowness of their legalities though. He asked them a question in return.

What is more valuable- a sheep who you can rescue because it is in your economic interests to do so - or a person of no economic value who needs help?

If the Pharisees had seen the world through the eyes of God - eyes of love and concern, they would have gotten it. Instead they see their way of life threatened and begin to plot against Jesus.

God is too much of a threat to the status quo.

What do we value more - our economic safety or peoples lives? We need to be careful of what becomes our driving force in life. Sometimes we need to forget the status quo and live more on the edge - out where God wants us.

I decided to blog in from Vancouver. The hotel has internet in the lobby so here goes.

On my way in to Vancouver from the airport my taxi driver was from the east - probably India I guess. On the floor he had a tambourine. Being interested in music, I asked him if he passed his time playing his tambourine.
"Yes," he said, "It is good for the mind - to relax."

So, curious, I asked what kind of music he played. "Hindu music," he replied.

The guy managing the taxi queue had called him "Smiley". And he was a very happy looking guy. Maybe his music helped. Obviously he had a reputation.

I wonder if joy shines through me like that?

Tonight we were in a deacon meeting and coming out of the church there was a bank of clouds off to the west - one of those post card perfect clouds with the sun centered right behind it sending off rays all around. One of those second coming picture sorts of clouds.

I had some shopping to do down at Superstore - had to get supplies both for the office and for home. While I was in doing this it rained - poured.

Meanwhile, the bank of clouds had moved completely to the east. A billowing bank of clouds pillowed up into many layers of bright pink on grey. Stunning! And no camera!

Tomorrow I'm off to Vancouver. To fill my brain with all sorts of useful stuff about orthodontics. I know the course will be good. It's the second half of a four day course and I've already done the first half. So I am looking forward to it - but I will be spending most of my time in beautiful Vancouver in a hotel conference room - 8 to 5, Saturday and Sunday.

Two things I want to do - visit my cousin in Port Coquitlam and eat some seafood, oh yeah, maybe find a good store or two. I have to bring my grandson something 'cause I've heard that's what grandparents do. And I hear there is a bumper crop of cherries in BC this year - maybe a case of cherries for the blog party at Coopers. That would be nice. We could eat ourselves sick!

Some thoughts for today:
Matthew 9:36
He felt great pity for the crowds that came,
because their problems were so great
and they didn't know where to go for help.
They were like sheep without a shepherd.

I'm glad my God has pity and has become our shepherd.

Proverbs 2: 7,8
He grants a treasure of good sense to the godly.
He is their sheild,
Protecting those who walk with integrity.
He guards the paths of justice
And protects those who are faithful to him.

We had a visit at my office today from this little guy. Annette and her auntie came by and showed him off to everyone. This picture was taken on Saturday when Kieran was only two days old and still in the hospital. To tell you the truth he hasn't changed much but he does open his eyes and he is beginning to gain weight again. He was to have his first bath today. I know several friends and relations are checking out this site for the pictures I posted earlier so for them here's another one.

Today some of my staff, our summer student and I went to a little Vietnamese restaurant for lunch. We usually don't have time but today it worked out so that we could do it by ordering ahead. Mmmmn, the barbecue pork and spring rolls on vermicelli was wonderful. Saigon River is a good place to eat.

It is also interesting from a "religious " point of view. There is a little shrine right down on the floor in front of the cash register. Today there were some oranges and a banana placed in front of it.

It is fun to have a summer student with us again this year. I like going into my teacher mode. Yesterday I got to walk him through a fairly difficult extraction. He's a good and eager learner. He'll do well. He's good with people too.

We also have a "locums" dentist this summer. She spends a few weeks with us each year. Her husband plays for the NHL (Steve Kelly- LA Kings) and they spend their summers up at Christopher Lake. She hasn't lived long enough in one place in the states to bother getting a license there and she is busy being a mom so we provide her a place to keep her dental skills current. She's fun to have around the office too.

I don't know if I've ever been to a Monday wedding before. I didn't exactly get to go to the wedding but I did get to the reception. It was very nice. The weddings I have been to lately have been real casual but beautiful affairs. It seemed tonight that these two kids were very much in love. Besides all the love in the air we had a great meal and good friends to share it with. Shared the table with Randall and Lauralea, Grace and Pauline.

On the way home we did what all new grandparents would do - we stopped to visit our grandson and our kids. It is funny to watch Leo and David practically fighting over who gets to hold the little guy. Wonder if they would fight over who gets to change the diaper! The true test of devotion! Annette's auntie has come to stay with them for a few days and that is good because Annette is feeling a little tired and a bit sore. She needs spoiling for a few days.

While we were there our daughters came in. Rachelle came up from Saskatoon since she has a few days off and all the girls were going to the drive-in. Bruce Almighty and something else are playing. If I didn't have to work tomorrow, I would have gone with them. I must be one of the only people who hasn't seen Bruce Almighty and I am beginning to feel sorry for myself. I guess someone has to work so our kids can afford to go to movies! Oh poor old me.

Now I had better call it a night. Leo's already gone to bed and morning will come too quickly.

Healing and Wisdom

These seem to be the themes from my morning readings. Matthew 9 describes a whole chain of similar events - healings - both physical, spiritual and emotional. They all seem to point to Jesus meeting the deepest need of the person he addresses.
The paralyzed man needed forgiveness.
Matthew needed acceptance.
The woman with the hemorrhage needed encouragement.
They needed physical healing as well but got more than that.

I've recently started reading though Proverbs as well. The wisdom of this book is sort of scary. Proverbs 1: 20-33 tells how if wisdom is rejected she will laugh at you in times of trouble.
"They rejected my advice (wisdom) and paid no attention when I corrected them. That is why they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way. They must experience the full terror of the path they have chosen."

Am I ever glad Jesus is compassionate enough to forgive and rescue us from the results of our own stupidity.

Today has been a full day. I suspected it would be. In the wee hours of the morning the phone rang and another mother worrying about her son was on the line. Why do kids have to get so darned independent when we need the assurance of knowing where they are. Subtle rebellion or simply uncaring disregard for our concerns? Who knows? So I had a couple of sleepers still at my house when I got Christian up to go to worship practice. They were still sleeping when we all got back from church.

I thought I would have to rush home between worship practice and church to pick up my girls but Patrick who had spent the night at The Forks (this is the place where the North and South Saskatchewan rivers converge not some sleazy restaurant) came home in time for church and brought them with him. He went to camp out with a group from Quebec who are retracing one of the furtrade routes up to the Hudson Bay from Portland Oregon. It poured in the night and he got soaked.

Then I went up to the hospital to pick up my kids and the new grandson - homegoing day. My son owns a very beat up old 3/4 ton truck that is ok for work but not good enough to bring home his woman and babe. They desperately need a car but his fledgling business hasn't made him very well off so far. And some of his choices haven't been the wisest in hindsight. He owns a very nice 2000 Ninja motorbike but it is not good baby transportation either and he has had no luck so far selling it so he can buy a car. So if anyone has a great car - Annette would like an automatic- for only a few thousand dollars or to trade for a bike let me know!

The soccer game started at 3:00. I had to be there at 2:00 to sell admission tickets but I think that is one fundraiser that flopped. I only sold 3 and the other seller sold about 10. That sure won't send them to nationals in Nova Scotia if they win the playoffs. They won today's match and so are tied for first place with Regina Queen City. Next weekend will be a huge match. As big as the world cup for these girls. Sara says she is already nervous for next Saturday.

Growing Up at Last!

Growing and discovering a deeper faith in Christ has surprisingly only fairly recently become one of my highest priorities. I think the change came due to two significant events or rather series of events in my life. I believe God put someone in my path that because of his frank and honest expressions of faith could lead me deeper in mine. And then there were some major problems that I had to face and as I dealt with them had to learn to trust God to handle them for me. The problems are still there but I am beginning to see them from a different perspective and as I get to know God better I am learning to trust him more for help.

Why did it take me so long to see what God could do in my life? I can blame lots of things but mostly they are due to my own self absorption. Depression doesn’t help and neither does a fear of looking bad in the eyes of other Christians. Partly that comes from growing up in a fairly legalistic church that sometimes placed more value on the appearance of faith than on the actual thing. I think in some ways becoming a missionary fed that kind of expectation. The strong Christian community of the mission was a good thing (we didn't have as many illusions about ourselves) but the expectations when I came back to Canada were overwhelming. The support of a close missionary community was just whipped right out from under my feet and out from under the feet of my struggling kids. It has only taken me about ten years to get back on my feet as far as being at a point where my faith is growing again. My kids have a way to go.

I also had to learn to let go and trust God. Some of my problems were too big for me to even attempt to fix on my own so I finally let go of my distorted views of self respect and told God to take all of me and make whatever he wanted to out of my mess. And he has given me back not a burden of new expectations but joy. I have a new hunger (I don’t know a better word to describe this sensation of desire) to study what he has taught us in the Bible. Prayer has taken on a new urgency as he takes over my problem areas. I talk to him about those and I just enjoy the wonder of being able to talk to him. I want to continue on this journey because it is one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. It’s almost too good to be true and I don’t want this feeling of wonder as I walk with him to ever end.

So that is why I wrote the following words:

Free Me

I want to go deeper God.
I want to go in
To the Holy of Holies
To the place where you shine
And have my face reflect you.

But, I cower in the dimness outside
The veil that you rent.
Too afraid, too tightly
Clinging to my self.
Chains on my feet.

If I push the torn curtain aside
Take a faltering step
There'll be no return
To the familiar dark rooms
Where I’ve been.

Held back by my own expectations
All I think I should be
It is hard to imagine
How I would look
Unshackled, free.

Oh! Tear the curtain down Lord!
Erase my sin!
Free me from those tainted laws
That bind my feet,
And bring me deeper in.

Do you know why you can't tickle yourself? Read about it I wonder if it is the same mechanism that allows us to block our being ticklish when others tickle us?

Today started out absolutely perfect. A clear blue sky, warm and quiet. Swinging in my lawn swing on the deck with a cup of coffee and a bagel. Working on some poetry in the early morning, reading and talking to God. It was great.

I had to spend some time restocking the larders and then made a quick trip up to the hospital to see my kids before heading off to Saskatoon with Sara and her teammate for a league game. I got to listen to my music since the girls fell asleep. That is one of my favorite things to do too - drive and listen to music that I like.

It was HOT sitting in the shade watching that game - even for 4:00pm it was hot. Sara was on the field the whole game. It's a wonder no one passed out.

After the game we all went to Boston Pizza thinking that they would have good air conditioning. Whew, it was hot in that place and it took us two hours to get served and eat. Sure went through the free refills on the iced tea. The girls are all supposed to eat healthily - no pop. Funny how a coach can get them to do that and follow his orders even when he is not watching! Mothers don't get allowed to dictate that kind of stuff and be obeyed! Not fair.

Looking forward to tomorrow. Worship practice, church, drive kid to work, lend car to kids to bring baby home from hospital, to soccer game where I have to do my job of selling tickets, somewhere in there lunch. Going to be good when and if I get home in the evening.

Paul Brand Dies at 89.
For those who have been involved in the treatment and prevention of Leprosy, as Leo was and as Jacques, the father of Patrick and Christian is, the death of Paul Brand is significant. A pioneer in medicine/ surgery and a man who followed God. A good example of someone who gave their most excellent work to God.

I just came back from the hospital. My kids are doing fine and my grandson is the most beautiful kid in the world. Sorry all you other parents and grandparents who thought you had good looking kids. This one is pretty special to me. And a pretty special gift to two kids who just about a year and a half ago had to say goodby to their first son after only two days. Annette's comment about Kieran -"He's perfect" Link 1Kieran, closer , 2Kieran, Don't bother me now ,3Kieran, He's perfect ,4Kieran,Dad's pride and you can see Kieran too.

I am a grandma again. Kieran David Leo Lanoie born this morning 8 lbs 1 oz. I just went to see him. He's beautiful of course! Mom was still in recovery - a C-section. So I visited a few minutes with Kieran and David his dad. I'm bubbling - now I have to go and get back to work. Pictures will be posted. You can count on that!

Flipping through some of the blogs and stuff I read, I came across this article by Alex McManus I thought it described people in churches/fellowships pretty accurately.

One Big Mess - One Big Blessing
Yesterday Leo and Christian left for Calgary to have an interview at the US consulate for Christian's visa so he can attend CHIC in Knoxville, TN at the end of the month. This has been a big concern for us since we want to see him go, we have already paid a few dollars towards his trip, etc. And we have been praying that the event will be a blessing to him in his somewhat struggling walk of faith. He is Congolese. A landed immigrant, to be sure, but still with the cursed Congolese passport. That means that no one trusts you and you have to prove that you have enough ties in your adopted land to ensure that you will return there.

If we tried to make more of a mess of the whole process I am not sure how we could have improved on it. I got home from work at 5:30 to find all the papers and the passport on the kitchen table. Thank God for cell phones. I called them and they had been blissfully ignorant of the missing papers for about the last 600 kilometers. So they turned around and headed home. I was to drive and meet them somewhere along the way.

Just then in walked our oldest son - having one day off with his wife. "Don't worry, Mom," he said, "I'll go." So we all switched vehicles so that he would take the one that uses the least fuel. And off he and his wife went - in separate vehicles so she could drive their car to Saskatoon where it had to go in for some maintenance. What a way to spend your one evening together in two weeks!

The envelope exchange happened in Rosetown. And then I got another call. In the package there were no report cards, no letter of registration proving that Christian was indeed registered for CHIC. So another chase began. I called my sister in Calgary. They would get the papers to Christian if I could fax them before 9 am. They would then drive into Calgary and meet the guys.

Another phone call to Randall. "Please can you write me a letter that looks real official saying that Christian is indeed part of the youth group going- PLEASE" And I dug out the report cards, etc.

Funny. I went to bed with a headache and woke up with one too!

This morning the fax went through. I was doing a lot of praying and a lot of other people were too. At noon I got a phone call. The visa was granted! Wow! God is good. Only he could have pulled this one off. It looks like all we can claim the credit for in this is a whole lot of mistakes made.

I wonder if God is trying to teach us a lesson in just who is really in control - us, governments and immigration officers - or himself?

One of the passages I read lately was from Matthew 8: 1 to 4. In this story, Jesus is dealing with a man who comes to him to be healed of his leprosy. He asks and Jesus says "I want to." "Be healed".

I come to Jesus bringing my acts of stupidity and ignorance and anger and say "Jesus please take these and make me clean again." And he says "I want to...Be healed" And then instead of acting like I have been made clean and doing the necessary stuff to verify this act of God, I hang onto my problems. I do not say I am sorry, I keep repeating the same ignorant or angry acts. I hesitate to leave his presence looking like a healed person, acting like a changed person.

I forget to keep my eyes on Jesus and instead look inside myself. I lose sight of where he wants me to go.

I need to learn to let things go and move on in him. After all he has done, after all the examples of his forgiveness and healing, it is still hard to let him have the stuff he wants to take away.

One of my weakest areas is just accepting this and moving on. I tend to go over and over my mistakes. I may have no one to even apologize to. My stupidity begins to consume my introverted, introspective mind and become more important than it should be. I just need to take up my life, leave my foolish mistakes in his hands and move on to where he wants me to go next.

Help me to actually follow my own advice God!

The Family Reunion
When I told one person about going off to our family reunion, she sighed and said she knew how those could be, as if it must have been a big chore going. She was surprised when I told her we had a great time. Maybe we have a strange family. Maybe we don't see each other enough to get tired of each other.

Folks at the Frost/ Johnson reunion traced their roots back to two sisters, Anna and Ellen Ostergren, who immigrated to Canada back in 1896 and 1899. My grandmother, Anna, shown in her wedding photo was 16 when she came over to Canada. Her sister came three years later. My grandmother worked as a servant till she developed her own catering business, then married my grandfather Fred. She died when she was in her 50's. My mother was then about 18 so I never knew her. My grandfather also died long before I was born. So I only know them through the stories of others. My cousin produced a wonderful book of our family history for this reunion. I'm glad there are people in our family who are so good at preserving our family heritage in this way.

At the reunion we ranged in age from about 8 months to 85 years. I wonder if there will be any of the older generation at the next reunion. It is scary to think that my generation will probably be the older one at the next few reunions. But we will undoubtedly get together to celebrate our family, our heritage and our faith. And we take the time each reunion to remember those who have gone on - only my Uncle Carl remains of my moms brothers and sisters.

We also came from all over North America and from as far as London, England. From Vancouver to Halifax, from Texas to Kentucky. There were school custodians, teachers, professional dancers, lawyers and engineers, pastors and missionaries, farmers, heavy equipment mechanics, doctors and nurses, stay at home moms and stay at home dads. Yeah and even one dentist.

We had a talent show as we always do after our banquet - mostly so we can show off how talented our kids are! One of my cousins did a great magic show for the kids. Grace danced and danced so well! She danced a Hip Hop routine to "Shackles" and did it so well. It was a blessing to me - like her feet were really unshackled to praise God.

Oh! I am really one of the luckiest moms in the world. Give me a few days and they will bring me back to earth with a thud.

I missed getting Sara to practice at 1:00 today and I had promised her that I would. Then a situation came up at work that demanded all my concentration and the time for going passed. The fact is that at that moment my work was more urgent than my kids demands. It is pretty hard for Sara to understand this and it makes me feel rotten too. She says she understands but the fact is that I let her down and I couldn't even stop in the middle of what I was doing and call her to let her know.

Being a mom at this moment is not fun and being a dentist at this moment sucks! I did what I had to do but there was no joy in it. The patient got the best part of the deal - I hope!.

Today we are off to a family reunion in the great metropolis of Minnedosa, MB. This is where my Swedish ancestors set up their homesteads. Our once every five years Frost reunion isn't always held in this location because it really is hard to get hotel accomodations in a town that only has one or two hotels. But this year it is back to the ancestral roots. It is about 7 hours drive from here so it will be a long enough drive with a van full of my parents and two of our kids. And we have to be back at work on Monday! Actually it will be fun since the Frost's tend to have a good sense of humor and know how to have a pretty good time.

I am as I write trying to get printed off enough pictures to show how beautiful our kids are, etc. Trying to find one of Leo and I that dosen't make us look old or fat is more of a challenge.

I will have to get out the old pen and paper for my weekend journalling but I will be glad to get back to blogging. It helps me to express and retain what God teaches me daily and I like that.

God gives good gifts.
And he gives them when and where they are needed.
And some of my friends, my kids, myself have stuff that we need right now.
And my natural tendency is to jump in to see what I can do and right now the answer is not much.
But I can pray and I can ask God. His resources are endless and so I need to go to him. And like a good father he will provide the good gifts we need.

Matthew 7: 11
"If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him."

I think sometimes we are given some difficulties that can either make us despair or make us smarten up and turn back towards God. My reading from the Psalms this morning reminded me of this too. Psalm 143: 7 and 8

Come quickly, Lord, and answer me,
for my depression deepens.
Don't turn away from me,
or I will die.
Let me hear of your unfailing love to me in
the morning,
for I am trusting you.
Show me where to walk,
for I have come to you in prayer.

The Gift
Last evening I was given a gift. My drummer boy brought home a beautiful set of planters. A late Mother’s Day gift he said. Maybe it was a peace offering. Maybe he sensed in advance that he would need to atone somehow for his sins.

It is a totally humbling and very overwhelming experience to receive gifts that are totally unmerited in the sense that I am not the “mother” – just standing in for her. Here I am accepting a gift that rightly should belong to someone else. I keep having this happen to me on the part of my “children”. The sense that they love me is too powerful for words at times. They, Jacques and Régine, gave this up so that the boys could have an education. And I don’t know just how to accept the gifts sometimes. I wish I could wrap them up and return them to their rightful owners. I feel as if I am usurping a right that should only belong to them. They gave it up freely but did they know the cost?

I certainly didn’t know the cost emotionally that accepting two kids into our family would exact from me. There is something so different about having children as a part of your family who you have neither chosen to birth or adopt. They were just coming for school and I did not intend to let my heart get tangled up in trying to love them. I intended to just give them a safe, caring place to live while they got their education. Little did I know the consequences of that decision. I had no idea how love would work its way into our relationships in such a subtle way that when the crises came I would find that my heart had already been taken over by these two young men. I love them. I love them as surely as I love my biological and adopted children who I set out from the start intending to love.

I have learned that love is expandable. If Love lives in you, it is not going to be possible to limit the level at which God expresses himself. The more you make room in your home the more room you will find. The more Love you let grow in your heart, the bigger your heart will get. God’s grace is sufficient.

Oh yeah – I do get the agonies of worrying over them too and the toil of disciplining. I get to deal with the sorrow of homesickness and depression and the hurt of angry words passed between brothers. But seeing these guys grow up into young men is a reward well worth the hard times.

This morning my reading took me to Matthew 6:19 to 34. One of my favorite verses is in this passage - verse 34

"So don't worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will bring its own worries.
Todays trouble is enough for today."

I need to hear this since my natural tendency is to worry and despair.

The whole passage is also about the wise use of money. More than some, in our last few years, God has blessed us with abundance financially. It's also a big pain since we could support a couple of families on what we pay to CCRA. And even so our spending always seems to exceed the resources.

Leo aptly describes children as parasites who latch onto our wallet at birth, not letting go until it is sucked dry. It doesn't take long with 3 in University and one starting a business and a family - we have 3 to 6 more kids in the lineup for university funding too over the next 6 or seven years. They had better take good care of us in our old age!

Leo visited the accountant yesterday. We have back taxes, kid expenses and a big bill coming up for refinishing the exterior of our house. So it is a good time to be reminded of the bounty of God's provision. We also have to be reminded of the necessity of using God's resources wisely. When money is abundant enough it is easy to waste on little indulgences and to get selfish with it.

Matthew 6: 32 and 34 say:
"Your heavenly Father already knows all your needs, and he will give you all you need from day to day if you live for him and make the Kingdom of God your primary concern."

Today was sort of an in between day at work. In between the weekend and Canada Day and our office was running in slow gear. I guess it is easy to forget a dental appointment when the weather is nice and the lakes beckon. I would rather have been at the lake today too. It is easier to work well when things are running pretty tight. Then it seems that things keep moving on schedule and the day goes by fast. It seems that we all shift into sleepy mode when we have a big gaps in our schedule.

This week our summer student starts and our Hockey player wife dentist starts her summer locums the next week. Vacation is not too far away but my partner gets his turn first.

Tonight at supper we had to have a "little talk" with one of our kids. Christian the drummer, wanna be independent looking after himself guy, needed a little parental reminder that growing up and becoming independent does not mean that you get to do what you want to do without regard to the other people who live in your household. Otherwise, shouldn't we parents get to do that too. After all, if life isn't fair for us adults who get to do "everything we want to do", it would hardly be right if it were fair for the kids! So we had the great setting of the curfew talk and reminded him that he had been pretty rude to all of us over the last few days and that if he didn't want us to ground him(as he is quite aware we would have done if his sister had been the tardy one) he'd better use his great maturity to start letting us know his plans and keeping curfew.

And you know - a kid that, on his own initiative (because he didn't spend the night at home) comes on time for worship practice(chalk one up for maturity) on Sunday morning smelling like he spent the night in a brewery (take off two points for stupidity) would be smarter not sitting so close to his mother in that condition. Mothers so provoked are highly likely to give out a lecture on the evils of drink! Actually I thought I did quite well to restrain myself till tonight. I'm getting wiser in my old age having made enough mistakes to learn from some of them.

Rudy in his urbanonramps blog is talking about how he is going to be "father" to a whole bunch of kids at Harambee. There is probably no greater or more difficult task. And it is so hard to do that in such a way as to pass on the faith. So I would pray for him that he will be filled with an amazing amount of love so that in spite of his mistakes(and every parent makes lots of those) the kids will see the love of The Father shining through him.

Leo and I both tend to automatically wake up early - bad habits are hard to break. We are getting to be more "mature" adults - in other words we both have a lot of grey hairs. After 33 years together sex isn't the only intimate thing we do in bed. This morning we began to reminisce about our life together and how God shaped us both. It is a wonderful way to spend an early Saturday morning. We have learned a lot from each other. And from God. And God seems to be pushing us to go a bit deeper with him all the time and it looks like this might be one of those pushes. We are sort of exploring how God might use us to share our faith with those who will never feel comfortable going to a church building, at first at least. How we don't know, so we are talking and exploring. I want to see how the worship freehouse works so I'm planning on going to this event.

Then I go to a parent meeting for youth group and find myself being just the kind of parent I don't want to be - the kind that puts their foot in their mouth - reacts first before thinking. Boy, God sure has lots of work to do on me yet. I always feel so drained when I know I've been a bit of a fool. I always wish I could hit the rewind button of life so many times.

Now we are off to Saskatoon; pick up a keyboard, meet with a lawyer about some immigration stuff and take part in Leo's 30 year medical school class reunion. My classmates will be there too since we were in the same year and most of my calssmates still practice dentistry in Saskatoon.

I just went to post and lost everything. Rats!...

This afternoon I had to buy a "new" fridge for the office. I am never a big spender so found one in the "Penny Pinchers" of our local paper. I went over to one of the worst parts of our illustrious city. The gentleman I bought it from has lived on that street for a number of years. He said he just "lost "his wife on June 1st so we sat and talked a bit while he wrote out the receipt. He said that his neighborhood was actually pretty safe. The news was on and he was pretty upset with the verdict in a well publicized trial. He felt that men should not be asking a "little" girl to go for a ride. Whatever happened in actual fact I imagine that the young woman will always be the most adversely affected. Life is a mess sometimes.

Tonight Leo and I sat and watched a movie. The kids all seem to have their own agenda tonight so we were pretty much free to do what we wanted for a change. Leo went to the Video store a few weeks ago and instead of renting a movie came back with half a dozen tapes. They were such a good deal. I'm not the only one in this house who likes a deal! The movie we watched was Instinct. It had a good story line although the ending was a bit implausible.

Its been a day! Up by 6:00, to work around 7:30. Most of my morning was spent working on a 3 rooted lower wisdom tooth. The guy(who owned the tooth till I wrested it from him) was big enough to do little old me some serious damage. Oh the power of being a woman with tools! Makes men just do as they're told!

One of the skills I picked up on the Congo was the ability to deal with most surgical extractions and stuff like that. In this province a patient needing to see one of the oral surgeons can face a wait of up to 6 months. Sometimes the wait is too long and I get talked into helping someone out of their misery or my partner will ask me " Do you want to give it a try?" and how can I turn down a challenge? Some days like today my hands get quite a workout.

I made it home tonight in time to eat and run up to Sara's soccer game. They beat Lakewood from Saskatoon but all the goals happened after I had to leave the game to go to the church executive board meeting. Leo is the chair and just arrived back from Saskatoon in time for the meeting. I guess we accomplished what we had to but I'm getting tired of meetings. Leo is watching some movie about a crooked cop now with Patrick and a friend and Christian is downstairs watching another movie with his friend. I have about had enough of this day and am ready to hit the sack. Good night!

Last night we enjoyed an evening in French. It was our youngest child's "Meritas" or in other words "Awards ceremony" and last day of school except for picking up report cards. Next year she has chosen to attend St Mary High School with our other children. I am sorry to see this phase of her life come to an end but she really wants to move on to a larger school.

This last year Sara had the experience of being the president of her student body. So last night she had to give the speech to welcome everyone to the Meritas. She decided that since she was the president that it was legitimate to have a speech writer so like a true president she delegated the task to her secretary. It turned out to be a good speech. Sara has a very nice French accent so it was a joy to hear her talk. I hope she keeps this fluency as she heads out into the English speaking world.

The evening was also the retirement event for one of the long time teachers at Ecole Valois. Mme Marchildon gave a lot of herself in the establishing of Prince Albert's Francophone school. Patrick was asked to give one of the appreciation speeches. Mme Marchildon was one of his mentors giving many extra hours to helping him adjust to life as a student in Canada. It was a fitting speech - oh that boy could be a politician or a lawyer. He doesn't like being called a boy anymore though.

Racism and prejudice against "other" people seems to be such a universal evil. I read with sadness Randall's story about a mutual friend and wish I could somehow do more for her. Why can't we provide her with a safe place after all she has already gone through. Why can't our government make immigration for her other daughter and husband less formidable and shrouded in red tape. Why, why , why... Life is too incredibly unfair for some people.

Linking to the BBC to see how things are going in the Congo, I come upon this story and it reminds me of other horrors told just too recently about the same area around Bunia. My heart cries for the innocent victims who have to raise their children in such turmoil.

On Hearing of the Atrocities in Bunia and Seeing the World's Complacency

I Cannot Comprehend

It is impossible to comprehend
The weight of these atrocities
On my heart and mind.
I cannot, I cannot comprehend
The difference, the value lost
From being small and black.
These are my people
Does no one care?

How can one become so crazed
As to crush a babies skull?
In wanton luxury
Of all that is evil
Kill innocence?

Is the life of a small black child
So dispensable as not to
Matter at all
In the eyes of the economies
Of our world?

What value do we put on restraint
When those we are watching
Are mad crazed for blood,
Schooled and incited
To butchery?

It is impossible to comprehend!
The weight of these atrocities
Eats at my heart and mind.
I cannot, I cannot comprehend.
My anger ferments into rage
As governments procrastinate.
Their pain too shallow,
The child is not their own.

Comments on cultures
There is some discussion going on about First Nations people. See Leighton Tebay and Mark's blogs.

The early church had to deal with some very prejudicial attitudes and God spoke fairly directly as to how we are to treat each other. I think that racism exists among Christians at about the same rate as it does in the general population. This is inexcusable isn't it? If we are equal before God, who are we to take whole groups and treat them as if they are inferior just because our forefathers treatment of them set them up for horrible social consequences. Oh sure, not all of our forefathers meant to be racist, they were just like all the other people around them. Maybe it is time we Christians began to take some responsibility for those past actions not in a way that the problems are compounded but in some constructive ways.

My problem is that I am not sure of what to do. I personally can treat First Nations people as I would like to be treated and I can listen to the First Nations people I know and work with. I can speak up where I can when I see and hear abuse - but sometimes I'm not very brave. When I get angry enough I will speak up but I am not always at my most articulate then. I would love to have some more interchange of ideas with First Nations people but that is not always easy - to have an honest exchange of ideas. And it will I know require a lot of humility on our part because we are categorized as part of the power structure that abuses.