Today was sort of an in between day at work. In between the weekend and Canada Day and our office was running in slow gear. I guess it is easy to forget a dental appointment when the weather is nice and the lakes beckon. I would rather have been at the lake today too. It is easier to work well when things are running pretty tight. Then it seems that things keep moving on schedule and the day goes by fast. It seems that we all shift into sleepy mode when we have a big gaps in our schedule.

This week our summer student starts and our Hockey player wife dentist starts her summer locums the next week. Vacation is not too far away but my partner gets his turn first.

Tonight at supper we had to have a "little talk" with one of our kids. Christian the drummer, wanna be independent looking after himself guy, needed a little parental reminder that growing up and becoming independent does not mean that you get to do what you want to do without regard to the other people who live in your household. Otherwise, shouldn't we parents get to do that too. After all, if life isn't fair for us adults who get to do "everything we want to do", it would hardly be right if it were fair for the kids! So we had the great setting of the curfew talk and reminded him that he had been pretty rude to all of us over the last few days and that if he didn't want us to ground him(as he is quite aware we would have done if his sister had been the tardy one) he'd better use his great maturity to start letting us know his plans and keeping curfew.

And you know - a kid that, on his own initiative (because he didn't spend the night at home) comes on time for worship practice(chalk one up for maturity) on Sunday morning smelling like he spent the night in a brewery (take off two points for stupidity) would be smarter not sitting so close to his mother in that condition. Mothers so provoked are highly likely to give out a lecture on the evils of drink! Actually I thought I did quite well to restrain myself till tonight. I'm getting wiser in my old age having made enough mistakes to learn from some of them.

Rudy in his urbanonramps blog is talking about how he is going to be "father" to a whole bunch of kids at Harambee. There is probably no greater or more difficult task. And it is so hard to do that in such a way as to pass on the faith. So I would pray for him that he will be filled with an amazing amount of love so that in spite of his mistakes(and every parent makes lots of those) the kids will see the love of The Father shining through him.

Leo and I both tend to automatically wake up early - bad habits are hard to break. We are getting to be more "mature" adults - in other words we both have a lot of grey hairs. After 33 years together sex isn't the only intimate thing we do in bed. This morning we began to reminisce about our life together and how God shaped us both. It is a wonderful way to spend an early Saturday morning. We have learned a lot from each other. And from God. And God seems to be pushing us to go a bit deeper with him all the time and it looks like this might be one of those pushes. We are sort of exploring how God might use us to share our faith with those who will never feel comfortable going to a church building, at first at least. How we don't know, so we are talking and exploring. I want to see how the worship freehouse works so I'm planning on going to this event.

Then I go to a parent meeting for youth group and find myself being just the kind of parent I don't want to be - the kind that puts their foot in their mouth - reacts first before thinking. Boy, God sure has lots of work to do on me yet. I always feel so drained when I know I've been a bit of a fool. I always wish I could hit the rewind button of life so many times.

Now we are off to Saskatoon; pick up a keyboard, meet with a lawyer about some immigration stuff and take part in Leo's 30 year medical school class reunion. My classmates will be there too since we were in the same year and most of my calssmates still practice dentistry in Saskatoon.

I just went to post and lost everything. Rats!...

This afternoon I had to buy a "new" fridge for the office. I am never a big spender so found one in the "Penny Pinchers" of our local paper. I went over to one of the worst parts of our illustrious city. The gentleman I bought it from has lived on that street for a number of years. He said he just "lost "his wife on June 1st so we sat and talked a bit while he wrote out the receipt. He said that his neighborhood was actually pretty safe. The news was on and he was pretty upset with the verdict in a well publicized trial. He felt that men should not be asking a "little" girl to go for a ride. Whatever happened in actual fact I imagine that the young woman will always be the most adversely affected. Life is a mess sometimes.

Tonight Leo and I sat and watched a movie. The kids all seem to have their own agenda tonight so we were pretty much free to do what we wanted for a change. Leo went to the Video store a few weeks ago and instead of renting a movie came back with half a dozen tapes. They were such a good deal. I'm not the only one in this house who likes a deal! The movie we watched was Instinct. It had a good story line although the ending was a bit implausible.

Its been a day! Up by 6:00, to work around 7:30. Most of my morning was spent working on a 3 rooted lower wisdom tooth. The guy(who owned the tooth till I wrested it from him) was big enough to do little old me some serious damage. Oh the power of being a woman with tools! Makes men just do as they're told!

One of the skills I picked up on the Congo was the ability to deal with most surgical extractions and stuff like that. In this province a patient needing to see one of the oral surgeons can face a wait of up to 6 months. Sometimes the wait is too long and I get talked into helping someone out of their misery or my partner will ask me " Do you want to give it a try?" and how can I turn down a challenge? Some days like today my hands get quite a workout.

I made it home tonight in time to eat and run up to Sara's soccer game. They beat Lakewood from Saskatoon but all the goals happened after I had to leave the game to go to the church executive board meeting. Leo is the chair and just arrived back from Saskatoon in time for the meeting. I guess we accomplished what we had to but I'm getting tired of meetings. Leo is watching some movie about a crooked cop now with Patrick and a friend and Christian is downstairs watching another movie with his friend. I have about had enough of this day and am ready to hit the sack. Good night!

Last night we enjoyed an evening in French. It was our youngest child's "Meritas" or in other words "Awards ceremony" and last day of school except for picking up report cards. Next year she has chosen to attend St Mary High School with our other children. I am sorry to see this phase of her life come to an end but she really wants to move on to a larger school.

This last year Sara had the experience of being the president of her student body. So last night she had to give the speech to welcome everyone to the Meritas. She decided that since she was the president that it was legitimate to have a speech writer so like a true president she delegated the task to her secretary. It turned out to be a good speech. Sara has a very nice French accent so it was a joy to hear her talk. I hope she keeps this fluency as she heads out into the English speaking world.

The evening was also the retirement event for one of the long time teachers at Ecole Valois. Mme Marchildon gave a lot of herself in the establishing of Prince Albert's Francophone school. Patrick was asked to give one of the appreciation speeches. Mme Marchildon was one of his mentors giving many extra hours to helping him adjust to life as a student in Canada. It was a fitting speech - oh that boy could be a politician or a lawyer. He doesn't like being called a boy anymore though.

Racism and prejudice against "other" people seems to be such a universal evil. I read with sadness Randall's story about a mutual friend and wish I could somehow do more for her. Why can't we provide her with a safe place after all she has already gone through. Why can't our government make immigration for her other daughter and husband less formidable and shrouded in red tape. Why, why , why... Life is too incredibly unfair for some people.

Linking to the BBC to see how things are going in the Congo, I come upon this story and it reminds me of other horrors told just too recently about the same area around Bunia. My heart cries for the innocent victims who have to raise their children in such turmoil.

On Hearing of the Atrocities in Bunia and Seeing the World's Complacency

I Cannot Comprehend

It is impossible to comprehend
The weight of these atrocities
On my heart and mind.
I cannot, I cannot comprehend
The difference, the value lost
From being small and black.
These are my people
Does no one care?

How can one become so crazed
As to crush a babies skull?
In wanton luxury
Of all that is evil
Kill innocence?

Is the life of a small black child
So dispensable as not to
Matter at all
In the eyes of the economies
Of our world?

What value do we put on restraint
When those we are watching
Are mad crazed for blood,
Schooled and incited
To butchery?

It is impossible to comprehend!
The weight of these atrocities
Eats at my heart and mind.
I cannot, I cannot comprehend.
My anger ferments into rage
As governments procrastinate.
Their pain too shallow,
The child is not their own.

Comments on cultures
There is some discussion going on about First Nations people. See Leighton Tebay and Mark's blogs.

The early church had to deal with some very prejudicial attitudes and God spoke fairly directly as to how we are to treat each other. I think that racism exists among Christians at about the same rate as it does in the general population. This is inexcusable isn't it? If we are equal before God, who are we to take whole groups and treat them as if they are inferior just because our forefathers treatment of them set them up for horrible social consequences. Oh sure, not all of our forefathers meant to be racist, they were just like all the other people around them. Maybe it is time we Christians began to take some responsibility for those past actions not in a way that the problems are compounded but in some constructive ways.

My problem is that I am not sure of what to do. I personally can treat First Nations people as I would like to be treated and I can listen to the First Nations people I know and work with. I can speak up where I can when I see and hear abuse - but sometimes I'm not very brave. When I get angry enough I will speak up but I am not always at my most articulate then. I would love to have some more interchange of ideas with First Nations people but that is not always easy - to have an honest exchange of ideas. And it will I know require a lot of humility on our part because we are categorized as part of the power structure that abuses.

This morning my Psalm reading included two that have to do with a "problem" that is a constant recurring theme of my life - my children. Well at least 80% of my challenges in life come from the fact that I have so many children. And God says:

Children are a gift from the Lord
they are a reward from him. ...
How happy is the man whose quiver is full of them!... Psalm 127: parts of 3,4,5

And look at all those children!
There they sit around your table
as vigorous and healthy as young olive trees.
This is the Lords reward
For those who fear him. Psalm 128:3b to 6

Do you sometimes feel that God is blessing you or maybe just has a good sense of humor as your children sit around your table eating every last morsel and then coming back to raid the fridge in an hour?

I guess we have chosen to fill our quiver but sometimes the arrows fight with each other and they certainly are a challenge to feed - not just with food but with the right emotional support. They seem to empty the emotional fridge as quickly as the electrical one. Restocking the emotional one is a lot more fun though as they return with a few hugs and as you watch them have a good time together - their quarrels put aside for awhile.

Today we have all the challenges of work for four of us, end of classes for another, and getting together the grandparents for an evening of celebration for our daughter who finished her GED. After there are soccer and worship practices. And I get to be the mom - the great disorganized organizer who tries to keep it all together. But I expect a few hugs at the end so it will be OK.

More Harry Potter
Sometimes I just wish we could be left alone to enjoy our good reading without having to analyze if it is "Christian " or not. Most of what I read is probably not Christian but it is either enjoyable, makes me think or I learn something from it or it won't get read. Most of what I read is really boring work related stuff - Essentials of Facial Growth - for example. So please indulge me a bit of pleasure!

All my life I have thrived on reading fantasy - Superman, The Borrowers, Alice in Wonderland, C.S. Lewis's books(all of them), Madeleine L'Engel's books and Tolkein. I have shared the magic of them with my kids. Funny, but the kids who enjoyed the fantasy books with me the most are the ones with the faith in God.

I think my faith was also shaped by these books. I learned to love the mystical and there is a lot of mystery in what God has done for us. I learned to see God in my surroundings, to understand that there is a lot more to life than just the seen and the touchable things. Reading these books helped me to see that I was not alone in this type of experience. I looked for the evidence of God in such books and I was not disappointed. I would like my children to experience this too so I encourage them to read and then we talk.

Sometimes it is really hard to be a mother. I want too much for and from my kids and maybe I expect just too much from them. I would love to have more harmony among all of them. I would love to see more responsible decisions made. I would like them to be more perfect. But I really don't seem to have much control some days. Do you know what I mean? Some days I seem to be on their cases all the time and I think I must come across as an invader into their lives rather than a nurturer. I wish it were easier to parent well! I am constantly having to give them back into Gods hands when I realize I am grasping them too tightly. I think I am a pretty easy going mother but it is hard to back off, let God do his thing in their lives, when I see things going on that I don't like!

Teach me God to trust you to care for them and at the same time to listen for your guidance as to when to intervene since you have given me the job of being a mother to all of them.

Today was downloading time for pictures. Some are good and some so-so. Michelle, Eric's wife, is a much better photographer than I am. The lighting was not good for many of the pictures and sometimes the subjects were on the move. Patrick got his diploma and had a good time with his friends. He relates well to the exchange students so here are some of them: right to left: Cyril, the Canadian(not an exchange student); Andreas, the Dane; Felix, Indonesian; Patrick, Congolese(also not an exchange student). Some other pictures are here too if you want to link to them. At family supper , Patricks graduating class , Patrick Kongawi and Michelle Sewap , Patrick and Cyril sing

Life seems to rollercoaster between extremes at our house. If we have one person extremely happy it seems we have another extremely depressed at the same time. I think I stated in one of my past blogs that if my kids were perfect then I wouldn't need God so desperately. I don't know what he is trying g to tell me this time but I need him desperately again - in fact there is hardly a day goes by that that is not true.

My oldest son and his wife were up for Patricks grad and it was a good thing to have them come. They got to share in the happiness of the one kid and help me out with the other.

I need to spend some quality time with God today because I think I have a tough time ahead with a couple of kids and I need him and I need wisdom.

It was a hot muggy day yesterday. My morning was spent helping to decorate for the Grand March and grad dance tonight. It was fairly chaotic but sort of fun to be in on the preparations. The group I was working with discovered the most efficient way to cut paper from a huge roll to cover tables. The most disgusting thing we discovered is that only two of the toilet stalls in the gymnasium women's' bathroom actually work. There will be over a thousand people at this event. I think it will be best to not drink too much!

A good part of my afternoon was spent looking back through old photos making a memory scrap book for Patrick. I hope we don't just make him feel sad because his parents could not be here. We don't have a lot of photos from his life in the Congo. People there just don't have the resources to go around snapping photos of their kids. And then I had to write up a little something about him. This is for our supper tonight with two other families of his best friends.

Last night it started to rain. It must be an answer to prayer for the firefighters just north of the city. A big fire was going up by Candle lake. Prince Albert sat in a blue haze from the smoke. My oldest son, Eric, works for a septic pumping company in the summer and they do those huge lagoons from pig barns. They also pump for fire fighting when there are forest fires so are very busy right now. His wife drove down a replacement worker to where he is(Elrose) so he can come up for Patrick's grad.

I think I will be glad when life gets back to normal at our house. I wonder if that will ever happen!

Yesterday in the evening we went to Sara's soccer team's picnic at the Little Red Park. The girls had their usual run but this time up the ski hill. Then we all sat around and roasted wieners and ate too much. Got to know some of the other parents better too.
Picnic photos

Today begins the festivities. Patrick is graduating from High School. He still writes one last final today - French. He should do well in this one and I noticed that he sat with a beer(he is 19) in front of the TV last night instead of at the dining room table in front of his books. Tonight is the Grad Mass at St. Mary's, tomorrow is off except for parents who are doing stuff like decorating, etc. And then Saturday is the big day with ceremonies in the morning and the big dance at night - then the all night party. Patrick's uncle is not coming and although Patrick doesn't say much I think he is disappointed. Patricks father cannot come and for that he is really disappointed but can't do much about it. He does us the honor of calling us Mom and Dad so Leo and I will go with pride and pleasure. Maybe we will throw some pictures up here later.

All of us will be glad that school is over for another year. It will give us all a breather from the routines. Then we can start getting ready for the camps and CHIC and summer work that keep the kids busy during the summer. I am going to try and take a couple of days for myself somewhere out of the vacation time I will have in August - maybe find myself a quiet spot to hole up, read and rest. And come the middle of July I will be a Grandma so that will be exciting. I hope I won't be one of those grandparents that is too busy to take time to get to know their grandchildren.

God continues to surprise me with stuff from his word. I wish I had developed this thirstiness for it years ago. I find there is so much I wish I knew better, understood better. At least it is never too late to start digging in deeper.

I finished reading through Romans and decided to go back and re-read one of the Gospels. I haven't read through Matthew for awhile so it was chosen. So of course it starts out with the genealogy of Jesus. I realize this was of utmost importance to the Jewish people. It struck me that Matthew lists all of the male ancestors of Joseph - throwing in a few good women like Ruth and Rahab. Then along comes Mary - mother of Jesus - only related to all those men through her marriage to Joseph. And to top it all off - Joseph isn't even Jesus' biological father. Am I missing some link here? Help all you theologians who know such things!

Mary must have offered herself up to God with no strings attached. An incredible woman allowing God to use her to fulfill his destiny and make a way for us total strangers, thousands of years down the road to come to him as God, Father and friend. I wonder what she thought. It seems she kept most of her thoughts to herself. I wonder what she and her teenaged son sat and talked about and how much she understood? Maybe you can tell I have teenagers that sometimes I don't understand at all and often wonder where God can be leading them.

Kevin at thehomelessguy.net is an interesting guy to read. He has posted some interesting links and one in particular caught my eye called Hidden Homeless I guess partly because I see the kind of dental needs the author describes in the article in the high needs kids on our much smaller city. These kids are not necessarily "homeless" in the technical sense. Most of them have homes of some sort but are very transient so never stay in one place long enough to get complete care and never build up a relationship with a dentist. Their parents may never have had much for care and chances are unless the cycle is broken, their children won't be much better off. In a way I think the lack of dental care is just a symptom of much more urgent problems - like insufficient shelter and food, sometimes addictions in the parents and sometimes just fatigue on the part of parents who have too few resources and too little energy to do a good job of parenting. Most adolescents with poor dental health also have other hygiene issues and I think they just don't see themselves as someone worth spending time on. That feeling, I suppose becomes a vicious circle and then they will have kids that don't feel very good about themselves.

In my wandersings around cyberspace I found a link to this interesting article on Gay marriage by MICHAEL COREN, a Sun Media columnist. There has been so much in the news and it is hard to know if one should even express an opinion. This guy says a lot of reasonable sounding stuff - honest and loving at the same time.

We are awaiting the birth of our second grandson early in July. Annette, (the mom to be) just finishing up her office management course at SIAST, is doing her work placement in my office. My staff has come to love her and are awaiting this baby's birth with excitement. So today we booked off some time and went to Boston Pizza for lunch and a baby shower. I was even the recipient of an emergency grandmother pack containing all the things I'll need to babysit like Robaxacet for my arthritis. Talk about how to make your boss feel old!

This birth is being anticipated with much joy. Logan, our first grandchild, also born to Dave and Annette, only lived a couple of days. He had Trisomy 18 which is not compatible with life. His birth and death drew our family around these two kids (Dave and Annette). This child shows all the signs and promise of a normal healthy birth. He (our grandson) has been the recipient of much prayer as are his Dad (our son) and Mom.

I stopped and bought a card yesterday to go with the gift I was giving Annette. It seemed just a nice simple card and somehow appropriate. The only word were "Changing the world one diaper at a time" I didn't think about the great significance of that simple phrase till later.

"Changing the world one diaper at a time"
Parenting is not really a mundane task even though it seems like it many times. The many repeated "no's" and occasional "yeses". The little hands that have to be led until they are running ahead on their own and dragging you along. The countless meetings with school, lessons, sports and church that seem such an infringement on your time. The skinned knees bandaged, the tears wiped, the homework helped with, don't seem very significant at the time yet they help shape the soul of a person created in God's image.

I am so glad I went to Waskesiu for the day yesterday that I am going back up after church today. Besides they are having another barbecue and when doctors have a barbecue that means really good steak. Last night the barbecue was at the pavilion up at Elk Ridge and I, not being a golfer, had not been in to the place. It is gorgeous. It is a good place for Leo to be on Fathers Day since he will get to do what he likes to do best - not what he is best at, but golf is his favorite pastime. He gets to do what he does best this morning too - teach - a course on hepatitis C. Hep C is almost a plague in Prince Albert which is a sad indicator on the rate of IV drug use here in this small city.

Yesterday was for me like a day of retreat. I had no one to entertain and no place I was expected to be. I spent part of the day on the shore of the lake reading, praying and contemplating things. I found a trail where I was secluded enough to practice my recorder since I wasn't sure the other hotel guests would appreciate the noise. And then I went back to the room and had a nap. I'm a little sunburned but since I remembered my sunscreen, not too bad.

One of the things I took along to read was a copy of E-vangelism 2.0 - the introduction by Andrew Careaga If you haven't read it yet - do. I liked what he said and this is just the introduction.

Sometimes when I have to work Fridays, I am so happy when the last patient of the day cancels. 'Twas the case today and I am so glad because it is an absolutely gorgeous day and although it is nice to be in an air conditioned building, it is also nice to be out in the yard. I could work in the garden tomorrow too but I have opted to spend the day at Waskesiu on the beach with a good book instead. Forced relaxation since I am driving Sara up there to babysit for the continuing ed course Leo is speaking at. So I have my bedding plants in and the rest of the weeds will have to wait.

I was having trouble getting my little rototiller to work so my son, David the landscaper, kindly came over and did my flower garden for me and the rest of the lawn was mowed and the weeds whacked. He smashed his finger this morning and came by my office for a Band-Aid so I guess he felt generous towards his Mom.

My philosopher son, blew up in school today I guess. He had thought about skipping a couple of periods to catch up on some rest. Finals and grad are next week and he is stressed and tired. He decided to go to class so he would not miss the revision - got there and the class was making so much noise the teacher could not keep order. Patrick stood up and yelled for everyone to "Shut the F... up" and left for the library. I guess everyone has a point at which they snap. Righteous anger? Not my choice of language but I imagine the students got the message. The teacher thanked him!

It is always an experience to talk to a dreamer and a philosopher and we have one living in our house. Our conversation rambles on between the feasibility of taking hydroelectric power and using it to create fuel cells to at the other extreme, the fears of ever daring to commit to a marriage relationship. Often the conversation seems to yo-yo between dreams and reality. Tonight we had one of those long talks. Always he makes me think. And wonder. What does God have in store for him?


Child, Philosopher, King

A child alone
Many miles and eons of difference to cross
Experiences running together like the words on unlined pages.
Was loneliness not there?

You came in
Not yet a part of us
Thrust into a world so foreign it could have been the moon.
What did you think?

What did you see?
The year that you went home
Silently becoming a stranger, seeing now through foreign eyes?
What changed you so?

Now that you
Are lodged inside my heart
What unknowing destiny will Gods great plan have you fulfill?
His next Philosopher? King?



This week we dropped off the papers we hope will be the key to bringing more of our "extended family" here to live with us, to attend school, to be raised in our home, to be influenced by our values and beliefs. Can I be the mother to ten kids in all? I am not SuperMom but I have experienced that God provides the necessary grace to do what he needs to get done. And I know that if God is in this, it will happen and it will be OK.

This morning I totally forgot to take my lunch to work. It turned out that I was done a few minutes early at noon and had time to run home and get something to eat. I only live about 5 minutes by car from my office. It is nice living in a city small enough for that kind of commuting time. Anyway I came home and all of a sudden a gang of teenaged guys descended upon our home. Boy can they eat! Cleaned me out of pizza pops again. They did offer me some but I had already started warming up my spinach and cheese pizza. Funny - I got to eat it all by myself. There are certain advantages to liking spinach. By the time I got home tonight it was all gone though. We must have a closet spinach lover in our house. I always try to keep my kids from eating my favorites by telling them it is an adult food and is very healthy for you. They are growing up too fast.

It is fun having a bunch of guys around talking and arguing and stuff. Good to see the guys at ease in our home with their friends. It is fun to meet the friends too. Just wish they would bring their own lunch. Have to make another grocery store run again.

The deacon meeting tonight was short and sweet. Sometimes I am so disorganized that I think I must have forgotten a whole chunk out of the agenda when the meeting only takes an hour. Not that we had any earth shattering stuff to discuss. I am sick of making up committees. It takes so long for us to set the committee up that it is summer before it is official and then you know how it goes - can't do much over the summer then it is winter again and time to start over with a new year. Not much time to actually do anything except get organized. We spend more time spinning around in circles like this than in doing anything useful for the body of believers. We get more fruitful work done over a cup of coffee with a friend and we don't have to publish any minutes.

Wonder of wonders! The lost binder has been found. Grace's track coach picked it up. Why oh why did he not tell her on Friday? Anyway one should not complain about an answer to prayer. Grace is much relieved.

Today has been one of those days when I alternately acted like an ogre or the tooth fairy. Had to give six kids today the lecture - you know - the one that goes "If you don't like your teeth then go ahead and let them rot but don't ask me to leave your braces on in that pool of plaque". Two were seriously threatened with having the braces off. Now that was the ogre side. I'm trying to think of to whom I was nice enough to be classed as a tooth fairy. Maybe the poor guy who had let his teeth get way beyond repair and on whom we took out the remaining 6. Some days being a dentist can be depressing.

Actually, having a vivid sense of being called to do what I do has given my life a sense of adventure more often than a sense of despair.

Sometimes it is hard to know how much to get involved in your child's academic life. I hate to be an interfering parent so I usually have to get really riled up before I talk to a teacher and then I'm not usually too effective, if you know what I mean. I'm ashamed to say that I actually made one of my kid's teachers cry. Well, if she hadn't accused my daughter of forging my signature and stealing another child's shoes it would definitely never have happened. At least I tell myself that was "righteous anger". After all she was talking about my well behaved kid.

Now I have had to write a letter for my daughter who is not very well behaved about her lost homework. Maybe the teacher thinks that losing a binder at a track meet is a bit on the same level as "the dog ate my homework" excuse. Grace comes across as very "cool" and cocky and because of her sometimes too expressive body language people in authority often take her to be a smart alec rebel rather than a very scared little kid longing for acceptance. Maybe I'm just too sympathetic because I love her and want things to turn out better for her. So I hope the letter gets the results which we need here - a chance to redo her lost homework. One week to finals too.

I wish God's wisdom was more clear when it comes to how to help our kids grow up right.

Leighton Tebay over at The Heresy has an entry which struck me. He comments that we don't give our pastors enough support and I agree. We expect them to be there for us, giving us counsel, leading us to a deeper level spiritually but are we there for them? They are human too. Maybe one of the problems comes from their professional role. I mean - Have you ever asked your dentist if she/he brushes her/his teeth? We would be shocked and maybe not accept it very well. How would you pastors take it if we asked you how your devotional life was going? These are pretty well expected activities and sometimes we fail to live up to our own expectations

Today my devotional reading included Getting out of the Faith Ghetto by Dan Buck. It's in a little book called Deeper Walk by Relevant
"Trying to be spiritual away from the rest of life is like trying to eat without any food or like trying to be a really good driver without ever going down the road. We get in and study the steering wheel and gauges, then we get out of the car and start walking down the road. It's in everyday life that our spirituality can be exercised."

My day, my week at work and at home is about to begin. There's going to be lots of everyday life this week for me to exercise my spirituality. I know that without God in me I will not make it through the week intact - and chances are the people around me will be the ones to suffer if I don't. So God - live in me and through me and please don't let me make too many mistakes this week!

Yesterday we had a great Sunday School picnic. Today we had a few injured people in church due to the oldies versus the youngies softball game. If you want to see pictures, link to Randall Friesen.

Good day today. We had good fun over lunch with the pastor's family. Then I went out for coffee with a friend from our congregation and had a good visit. I didn't realize we have so much in common since we don't get to visit in depth in church. So we got to share some of our difficulties with our children and also how God has worked in both our lives to just confirm how much he cares for us no matter how our children turn out. It was good. We should have gone for coffee a couple of years ago. I hate being too busy sometimes and also sometimes it's my own fault not taking the time.

I also found out that she also likes to write and so I have encouraged her to blog as well if she has access to a computer. I find this is a place where I can meet and get inspiration from others out there. Thanks to all of you who have contacted me or mentionned my site.

This morning I just happened in my reading through Romans to be at the chapter where I think my all time favorite group of verses is found. Romans 8: 31 to 39. And verse 38 is my favorite among these favorites.
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love.
Death can't, and life can't.
The angels can't and the demons can't.
Our fears for today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away.

To me this is one of the greatest celebratory verses in the Bible. And best of all is that I know it is true. Thank you God for your overwhelming love!

This morning I was out walking. A light rain scares off the other walkers which is OK since then they don't think I'm whacko talking out loud to God. Talking out loud helps me to concentrate my thoughts as does writing. Otherwise my thoughts get lost in the maze of a million distractions.

Anyway, I was thinking out loud about how the church organization, ie: the "modern" church doesn't meet a lot of my deeper spiritual needs. Those have always been met more in my relationships with others. But sometimes I am so busy helping to keep the organization going that I hardly have time to develop relationships. I guess having a few less kids would also uncomplicate my life but those are some of the best relationships I have - that and the one with Leo - and all need a slice of my time. I know I am too busy. I have decided that housework is not high on my list of priorities so I am willing to give that up but the other things are harder to let go.

Today has been one of those days when I seem to spend most of my time in the car. First up to the track so Grace can run her race, then back home to pick up Sara to ref her soccer. Then back to the track. Two stops at fast food places along the way and then over to my office to photocopy some of the notes Grace has to replace. Back up to pick Sara up after reffing. A few minutes and then off to the Sunday School picnic. Leo conveniently got mistaken and thought the picnic would be on Sunday so has a golf game set up with one of his colleagues. At least he is able to go to Saskatoon to pick Patrick up from the plane. Patrick will drive home in Leo's vehicle so that means I will have to drive down to Wakaw to pick Leo up later - unless I can talk Christian into doing it for me. I have to get Grace back up to the track again, return to the church for a meeting after the picnic and then arrange to pick her up again. It seems like this is becoming a typical Saturday. It is less work going to work!

You may understand why I post most of my blogs in the wee hours of the morning. Well it seems to be the only peaceful time around our house.

For those of you who have read some of my ealier blogs, you may remember that our friend Jacques was bit by a cat which died a few days later. Today he sent us a message that he got the rabies vaccine and immune globulin that Leo as a Medical Health Officer was able to procure for him and which American Leprosy Mission was able to courrier out to him and have flown up to the city where he lives by Missionary Aviation Fellowship. So he has taken his first injections and should be OK. He is always in our prayers, especially since we share children. He is where we cannot be and cares for his own people in a way no missionary can do, including being there through all of the civil war past and present.

Patrick, Kongawi's son is performing tonight in Vancouver. I was hoping that it would be on TV live but sorry it will just be on Radio-Canada or on you local French FM station.

There are times when my lack of discipline in all areas stares me in the face. I don't do what I know I should do. It is more fun to escape into the world of the internet than to do the housework. I try to get my children to be self disciplined and then I look at my own poor example. Sometimes, I must admit, they do a better job than I. So I am going to try very hard today not to forget to do some of the chores I need to remember - phone calls I have to make - and I hate phoning.

Last night Grace discovered at 10:00 that she had left her school binder somewhere at the track. She is not sure where or when she last saw it, but it is not here. Now, I told her that if she had thought of doing her homework earlier she would have noticed it's loss a bit earlier too. So off we drove to the track and around we walked in the twilight, but no binder. In it are all of her notes, all of her completed and incomplete homework. She is not our most academically inclined child. The loss of her binder is a real blow. She will have to try all the lost and founds today and then if no binder, borrow and do some major note copying. I hope her teachers are a bit sympathetic but she doesn't have a good record with them. This may just be one of life's hard lessons - hope it turns out to be a lesson learned. Do you ever wish you could make life easier for your kids? Unfortunately, I think they follow our poorest examples the most easily.

My devotional reading this morning speaks of cynicism - a subtle sin that spreads doubt. It is a popular thing to be cynical. Too much optimism seems out of touch with the world around us. It is OK to be a cynic, to spread doubt and criticism. If our words are biting enough then people will listen. But if we are constantly being the cynic then what does this do to our community?

Hebrews 10: 22 - 25 says:

"...let us go right into the presence of God, with true hearts fully trusting him. ... Without wavering, let us hold tightly to the hope we have,for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Think of ways to encourage one another to outbursts of love and good deeds. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage and warn each other, especially now that the day of his coming back again is drawing near."

Today I will try to look for ways to encourage or receive encouragement. It is another "sedation day" so that may be a challenge for me.

There are a lot of you bloggers out there trying to answer the question of why blog. Are we similar personalities? I think I began because finally here is an avenue of expression for me. I am not a good person with oral words. I lose my train of thought quickly. I have difficulty in saying out loud what I really think. I find that most times when I speak I end up wishing I had never said that. Sometimes I even have to appologize for some stupid thing I said that when given time to reflect was not what I should have siad at all. I guess that is called sticking my foot in my mouth. It seems to fit in there too easily. When blogging, I can go back and correct, revise, even hold onto a thought and not publish it. Maybe even delete it. I definately wish I could do that with the words I say - quite often in fact. I am also an introvert but here I can speak without somehow worrying about it. After all you don't have to read any of this and maybe no one does.
I also read blogs because you guys out there say a lot of really intelligent stuff. Some I don't understand but most of what you say speaks to where I'm at. I feel like I have entered into a community that I like and feel at home in.

Last night I went to my daughter Grace's dance recital. Grace is very petite, very athletic(quite proud of her 6 pack) and very agile. She is a fantastic Hip Hop dancer. I wish she would put half the effort into her schoolwork as she does into her dance. I went with as much of the family as I could muster, my dad and step mom, my daughter -in-law to be and my elderly aunt. It always amazes me that their reaction is so favorable. We never would have dared dance let alone dance Hip hop when I was a kid!

My dad seems to be doing better since I last put a word in here about him. He apparently did have a little stroke and he is definately more feeble in the physical sense. His mind is still slipping away slowly. We are so fortunate to have Sharon(my step-mom) who cares for him so well. We know it cannot be easy. When I took him down to Saskatoon a week or so ago, I wrote this on returning. Maybe I am frightened a bit at my own future. This is not the way anyone would like to go.

Dad

Searching for answers in your mind
You come up blank
Or with a story
So unrelated
To the question
That we can’t even correct you.

Sitting beside me as we wait
Suddenly you expound
On the value
Of oxygen.
They must need it you say.
Short circuits happening again.

Where do you go in your mind
As we sit with you?
You try to enter
Our conversation.
In hopeless turns,
We speak, you lose your way.

At the moment, while we speak,
Do you remember,
How you taught me to walk,
To ride a bike,
To swim, to drive, to …?
Now I am driving, taking you home.

Then suddenly as the red sun sets
There spring into your mind
Words
An old song
And you sing
My mind floods with memories.

And I wonder if this is a shadow
Of how I will become.
No quick or glorious
Ending.
Surrounded by my children
My mind escapes, my body lingers on.

I keep mulling around in my head this whole classification of types of believers; moderns, post moderns etc. If as Fred Peatross says over in Future Margins, Moderns like to categorize everything does this make Fred a "Modern" because after reading his newsletter I feel as if someone has been trying to categorize me. Maybe it is just my personality or maybe my parents before me had already come to the realization that God can't be understood and explained completely and passed that sense down to me.

I can remember as a student trying to wrap my brain around all those theological arguments and thinking "Wow, if I had a great theological mind maybe I could convince people God exists." But I never was much good at theology and proofs so I had to be content with knowing God existed because I had felt his presence, he was all around me in his creation and because people who had gone before me had known him. I think I am still a very simple person when it comes to great theological debates. Too much theory makes my head spin and my brain hurt.

I know God is here, I love him more than I know how to express and I know that even when life seems desperately unfair in what it throws my way, there is no where else to turn but back to God. He expects and deserves everything from me but he also knows every weakness I have and he loves me -not what I do or bring to him - but me. He never expects me to do anything without his help. If I mess up, like a father he lets me crawl up onto his lap and he puts his arms around me. When my sore spots are healed he sends me off to try again.

What kind of a believer does this make me? I don't much care and I wonder if God does.

I guess I can understand how you professional types (pastors and theologians ) might toss these weighty matters around between you. It must be a bit like me trying to decide if the patient has irreversible pulpitis, an inflammed pulp or a necrotic pulp. To the patient it is just a toothache and would I quit talking about it and get him out of pain.

Today we had a potluck lunch after church - a bridal shower actually. Randall talked this morning about how being the church is about our relationships with God and with each other. We also feasted at God's table in the service. We were being a community of believers to each other. Some are old and set in their ways and don't see the need for change to happen in the forms of our worship, some are young and think anyone over 30 is ancient and out of touch with the real world. Some are just being introduced to God and others are just about at the end of their journey on earth. Some probably don't even know much about God. But we worshiped and fellowshiped together and it was good. I hope we brought glory to God. And I hope God forgives me for promising to put in a good word for Johanna because she (and some of the other youth) helped me wash the little tiny communion glasses. She's a good kid, God bless her.